online dating advice index

Online Dating Advice Index: Get Over Yourself

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Beauty can be a trap.
Find your beauty within.
Let the relationship happen.

You’ve gotta get out there to get over yourself. It’s in relating to a real potential partner in a real setting that things might become interesting. If you don’t go to bars as part of your lifestyle, you might not want to meet your new potential partner at a bar. If you are not a runner you might be stretching a bit to date a partner that runs marathons and trains constantly. Or you might be willing to grow and change. You might have aspirations for who your partner is, and those might fuel some positive changes in your life. Or you might be trying to date out of your weight class.

One of the biggest problems with online dating, as reported by the online dating sites themselves, is that people tend to reach above their beauty and fitness level for someone who they aspire to be with or be like. Here’s the biggest dating advice I can give:

Get over yourself. Examine what you want in life, what kinds of things you like to do, then go do those things. Dating should not be a priority. Your life is the priority. When you aspire too much for someone too beautiful you might be getting off track for what’s important in your life. Ask yourself, “What is important in my next relationship?” Is beauty the number one requirement? My guess is that your answer is no. Beauty is important, but it’s not the most important thing. In my experience, the “beautiful” people tend to rely on that beauty for advantages in life. They may have cut some corners in their personal growth and development if they have always been pursued.

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You’ve got to put yourself in a place, even just in your own mind, where YOU are the catch. You are the person worth pursuing. When you begin to invest more time in yourself and less time in searching for a beautiful partner, you are on your way to a happier life. Relationships may come and go, but your relationship to yourself, your feelings of self-worth, and the time you spend doing the things you love… Well, that’s the formula for happiness right there.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP ONE:
Defining yourself.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP TWO:
Describe your ideal partner.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP THREE:
Explore what you like to do

What do you do on the weekend when you are alone? Write your profile around the activities you actually love, not the things you think your ideal partner might love.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP FOUR:
Reach out to every potential you see.

Online dating is like farming, you have to put a lot of seeds in the ground to get a harvest.)

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP FIVE:
Don’t waste time “dating.”

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP SIX:
Be bold with your emotions and your passions.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP SEVEN:
Keep sex for dessert.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP EIGHT:
Walk away from near misses.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP NINE:
Learn from each dating adventure.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – STEP TEN:
Get over yourself.

ONLINE DATING ADVICE – Learn About Men:

In my experience of online dating, I have found the numbers game is a bit of a trap. If we are constantly presented with a new crop of dating potential by each new app, each new site that promises us new features and new partners, each alert on our Apple Watches saying “Someone new liked you on Bumble, go see if they are a match.” If we constantly look for the next partner, we might be missing a good bit of our life and happiness in the moment. Being mindful of your present moment is a powerful step in self-awareness that can help you be more grounded and more clear when seeking your next relationship.

Final Encouragement for Online Dating

Don’t give up. Just because all of your previous relationships have failed, does not mean that the next date might be The One. Yes, even after all this time, I am still searching for The One. The Last One. Dating is exciting, but dating has never been my goal. I am most happy and settled when I’m in a loving relationship with a partner. All of this swiping and chatting is a distraction away from living our authentic lives. Let’s be more mindful in our dating and more mindful in how we live our lives. Then let’s find The Last One.

Always Love,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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How I Can Help

I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in small groups as well as individual 1 x 1 zoom calls. If you have questions about life coaching I am happy to talk to you. Please schedule a phone call HERE.

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