Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
I can offer hope and ideas for navigating the most difficult co-parent behaviors. Divorce is hard on everyone, please don't use your former partner as a target for your rage and frustration.
But, when the parter continues to shut down or respond in unhealthy and indifferent ways and refuses to own their side of the problem, it might be time for some serious reconsideration.
As single parents, dating, those choices now are much less dramatic. We can date, decide to continue or not continue dating, and that's it. No big breakup, no big divorce. Just "we're not dating anymore, maybe we can maintain a friendship."
I had the joy and passion in spades. I had a misaligned marriage which generated two wonderful kids. Today I have reset myself towards a creatively fulfilling life.
The narcissist must keep the secret until they die. To apologize would be to admit she was wrong. My ex-wife is a deadbeat mom.
Stress, money issues, and emotional troubles are all part of the parenting life. Both parents must evolve beyond being Mom and Dad into who they want to become.
There are plenty of times when it's difficult not being with my kids. But what I can give them is 110% dad when they are with me. I have the rest of the time, when they are not with me, to heal and focus on myself and my goals.
How is it possible that you don't care for or support your co-parent? How can that much anger be misdirected at the former love of your life?