Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
You've got to keep going. Your partner is out there. You've got to stay true to your path, true to your goals and boundaries, and give each person the flexibility to show up in your life and be a YES.
I am learning to ask. I am learning to fall completely head-over-heels in love. Perhaps my choices have not all worked out, but they have all involved 100% effort on my part. And my love has soared to higher highs than I knew possible.
There is no rescue coming for you. I am not a hero. I am a solitary man, sitting in my own pain around the current gap, and I am working like hell (writing, meditating, exercising, coaching, praying) to heal my own troubled heart.
The goal is never to blame the other person for the breakup, even if they were the reason you are breaking up. Always take your responsibility for the miss. And make it about the chemistry, the mix, the overall relationship and not about them or their poor behavior. Remember, you are leaving the relationship, not trying to teach them a lesson or educate them.
People will do what they want to do. Love will not push a partner into doing something they don't want to do. That's not love, that's codependency.
What I really want is to find a partner who is able to express love and joy easily. And then, over time, I want to continuously fall in love with her, every day. I want to celebrate our victories. I want to soothe the difficulties. And I want to feel loved, above all else,
What I've got is my state of happiness and peace. I no longer fight with her about anything. I no longer ask her for anything. I keep my communications primarily with my kids. As far as I'm concerned, she's no longer the superpower she was.
By allowing you to experience and process your own distress, without my interference, I am giving you the utmost respect. I am viewing you as whole, strong, and capable. And in my affirmation of you and your inherent ability to be strong and sufficient, I am reaffirming my belief in you.