Dear beautiful woman, you are safe near me. I appreciate you. I admire your effort in maintaining your fine figure. And, let me know if you’d like to have a conversation.
Okay, so this morning I had the vibe with a beautiful woman a few seats away at a local restaurant. We exchanged a few smiles, a few knowing glances, was that even a head nod in my direction? No. It wasn’t. And when she got up and left, flipping her laptop into her bag and never looking back, I was… Well, I was not surprised. I wasn’t even disappointed. I’m starting to get it. Women go about their daily activities very differently than men. Especially, unattached men, such as myself.
Let’s look at the “known universe” vs “made up universe” I inhabit:
- I have no idea about her relationship status
- I have no idea about her state of mind
- I have no idea what it must be like to be an attractive woman and having guys like me, nice guys like me, oogling them all the time (no, I wasn’t oogling, but I was suggesting)
- She owes me no acknowledgment or smile (in fact, those engagements carry a certain risk on her part)
- I am part of a pride of men that are attempting to flirt, reach, engage her
- She’s just fine without my input, my desire vibes, even without my smiling at her
- A friendly woman is not an invitation to “move things forward”
It’s the last one that I learned several years ago when I was single and I started experimenting with taking my proverbial “dick” off the table. I stopped all pursuit. I listened more. I watched for what they expressed. And I experienced a new adventure within the tribe of humans, men and women. By disconnecting from “the hunt” I was allowing my own path to be less aggressive. I was treating every woman as a sister rather than a potential mate.
See Also: Reversing the Flow: Putting Women in Charge of Dating Advances
It was most apparent to me, a few years ago, when I was attending a noon tennis workout at a local club. As usual, there were several fit, attractive, and tennis-playing women in the class. This time, rather than flirt and be “cute” I just sat back and played tennis. I let them be as pretty and fit as they were without any encouragement or compliment by me. I just let us all be tennis players on the court to play tennis. I had a different, and more pleasant, experience of the tennis workout. AND, I’m projecting here, but I assume that the younger women did as well.
Today, I was not “over the top” in my smiles of the tiger with this young, and beautiful woman. And she left without any further connection or obligation to me. Today, I am appreciative of beautiful women without needing to act on my attraction. Women get enough of that, I’m certain. And this attractive woman was probably a target for hungry tigers like myself, in every step of her public journey through the jungle.
I have a 16-year-old daughter, and I can see how the world is waking up to her as we walk together down the street. When we were in NYC this summer, the energy was palpable and somewhat dangerous. Guys would misbehave, make comments, and oogle. In some ways, my mindfulness around dating and my own pursuit of a relationship, gives me a more parental approach to beautiful women, like today. I don’t want hungry tigers pawing at my daughter in New York, okay. I also don’t want to be the hungry tiger overtly tracking every attractive woman in my vicinity.
I am a hungry tiger. I do desire a relationship. And, I can be respectful of the beautiful gazelles in the jungle without trying to maul and eat them. I don’t want to devour a new woman, I simply want to run beside her and compare notes. Relationships are a long-haul process. If we jump at every flicker of light or beauty in the jungle, we’re likely to hurt ourselves and possibly miss the true opportunities that come from being more aware and less testosterone-driven.
Dear beautiful woman, you are safe near me. I appreciate you. I admire your effort in maintaining your fine figure. And, let me know if you’d like to have a conversation. I’ll be here, minding my own business, typing on this computer thingy.
John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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back to Dating After Divorce
- A Pleasant First Date and the Change of Seasons Arrives
- Four Ideas About Dating with Mindfulness: Listening for Signals
- Four Levels of Attraction: Hierarchy of Relationship Needs
- Sexual Hunger: How Friends with Benefits Became a Lie for Me
- Online Dating Adventure: What Is Your Quest?
Here are a few of my books on Amazon:
- Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
- Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
- A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children
- The Sex Index: Getting Our Love Languages Right in the Bedroom
- Here Comes the Darkness: Surviving and Thriving After a Mental Illness Diagnosis
- The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes an Issue
- The Storm Before the Divorce: When One Parent Wants Out, That’s the End
- Dating 2.0: Aiming for the Love of Your Life