If you are going to love deeply, you become more susceptible to fear. The more we come to depend on the reciprocal affection of another person the more put ourselves at risk of a painful loss should the relationship not work out. Even in our everyday relationships, caring deeply about someone comes with risks.
In this day I release my ex-wife. I release my two lovely children from any frustration I have at not being able to book time on their busy teenager calendars. I release myself from my expectations of where I would be at this point in my adult life.
Other than the feelings of sadness and loss, the job actually has very little impact on my livelihood or future plans. And, when this news was softly delivered by a "less than awesome young manager" I understood this as the universe giving me the nudge out of the temporary holding pattern that this job actually represented. Still, I'm a little scared.
As I licked my wounds alone, I could only imagine the parties that were still going on in my old house. The bathtime fun, the friends over on the weekends, the breakfast and dinner routines. Time. That is the real loss in a divorce. My ex-wife got most of it. I got the dregs on alternating weekends.
I have approached dating as a process to identify, qualify, and ultimately partner with a single woman. The dating part is essential, but dating is not the goal. Sex is essential, but sex, also, is not the goal. Working to identify and explore a combination of these three factors, is how I am navigating my approach to finding my next long-term relationship.
But, when the parter continues to shut down or respond in unhealthy and indifferent ways and refuses to own their side of the problem, it might be time for some serious reconsideration.
Give your partner the ravishing they are longing for and you might get your connection needs met at the same time. A win-win.
In love and life: What would happen if you could relax and let go of your expectations and ambitions for a few minutes and just breathe in the acceptance of this part of being a human being rather than a human doing.
