There is no DAY OFF in a loving relationship. There may be easy days and hard days, but every day is an opportunity to turn towards your lover and say, "I love you," as well as "I need you." It is in that place of vulnerability and honesty that we will find the true gift of a loving relationship.
I believe the quest for love is a spiritual journey. Either your deliberate and intentional about it, or you are just screwing around.
Parenting is a spiritual journey that you enter when your kids are born. The relationships you have as parents may change over time, but your parenting is a huge part of what gives your life meaning. To me, my kids are everything. And to my partner, my love of their kids and their love of my kids, is unfathomable and wonderful when it happens.
Both of us have pasts. Both of us have dealt with our pasts to the point that we are ready to engage and fly with another person. A passionate kiss is a rare and precious gift.
It is only through constant micro-corrections that we can stay engaged, in love, and connected in your primary intimate relationship. We don't ever get a day off from being compassionate and thoughtful. And when you are well-attached to your lover it becomes easier to make choices that move towards their heart rather than away from their heart.
I believe we cannot heal from our divorce/relationship trauma without getting back into the ring and giving it another go. Only IN RELATIONSHIP can we learn how to be healthy in a relationship.
By putting the kids first, we can value the contributions of both the mother and the father. And by joining in 50/50 co-parenting (before, during, and after divorce) we can give our kids the positive aspects of both parents.
Our children have probably learned more about relationships (good and bad) from television and porn. It's part of why all of us are so confused about what makes for a healthy relationship.