Relationships take a lot of work. Dating, online dating, and courtship all have one goal, to give us a Relationship to thrive in. It is hard to find a healthy, attractive, and willing partner. When you do, what happens next is the most important part. I work on relationship-building as a skill set. How can I be a better partner? How can I say with this person for life?
If I believe in a higher plan, if I want to navigate with star maps and not treasure maps, then I can be IN LOVE and AT PEACE even in this painful pause. The pain has a lesson for me. I may learn something new every morning and every evening. I am learning.
My movie is undergoing a serious rewrite at the moment. Scenes are being deleted, edited, and new actors are being sought out for both lead and supporting roles. Today, on this amazingly beautiful day (from snow last night to tennis in shorts this afternoon) I'm going to loaf for a bit.
We're all walking down our own little hallways. We're all singing our inner songs. And we're probably all a bit distracted and unsure of exactly where we should go. We know the way to our homeroom. We may not be sure about how to navigate the rainy Fridays along the way.
I'm not all that good at dating yet. I mean, I don't really know how to BE. I try to be "myself" of course, but I'm too involved, too hyper, too talkative. I don't listen as well as I should. But the part of the problem, that I'm just beginning to understand, is my habit of projecting any "potential" relationship off into some imaginary future. What I mean is, I sometimes have a problem staying present.
Only through adventuring together, only through giving it a 100% shot and not holding back, are we capable of discovering a partner who is willing and capable of going there with us.
Finding and keeping love is about going to the well every single time. And when you find fire pouring accelerant on it by really, fully, and truly, asking for what you want. You must go for it to get it.
When I do get those few right swipes I imagine a "hello" date that goes well. That's just the beginning. What usually happens, in the case of the women I'm matching with here in NYC, is that certain threads become clear.
When anger is quick and easily resolved the issues don't stick around much. Try and process the little anger while it is happening. Try and take the BIG ANGER offline, out of the relationship for a moment, and come back with some ideas of how to do things differently.