There is Enough Love for All of Us
I have a way of distorting reality. I bend and warp emotions, energy, and passion into a tractor beam. I don’t think this is learned behavior as much as innate enthusiasm. I’ve been doing this since I was a young child. I was always the kid at the dinner table who needed to be asked to talk a little quieter. Several times an hour. I think that DNA is still present and powerful in my physical body.
As I have learned from past mistakes, this hyper-vibe is too much for many people. As part of my self-awareness and maturation over the years, I have gained some self-awareness of this feature of my Extroverted personality. I have also added a volume knob inside, where I can influence the rate of discharge. As I understand it, even when things are going really really well for me, they can be overwhelming for others around me. Friends and enemies get riled up. Everyone gets a bit heated up by the electrical buzz. Some people can groove with it, gain energy for their own trajectories. Others feel threatened, blown out, and afraid. Again, I have been trying to work with my own over-enthusiasm for years.
What Is the Risk of Pausing the High?
Sometimes, the most responsible behavior for me is to press pause on the entire energetic system. I can do this. I can be quiet. I can stop writing and publishing for a minute. I can even vanish some of the more exciting details and put them away for another place, another time, another process.
As I pause in this moment of heightened joy and success, I have nothing to lose. The energy does not go away. I merely focus a bit more on my own life, my projects, my intentions, my mindfulness. I dial back my public interactions. Even the uncomfortable feelings inside me as I don’t say what I want to say becomes a learning opportunity.
Let me give an example from the last few years. I met a lovely woman some time ago who identified as an introvert. I understood this information and dialed back my enthusiasms from date one. At some point along the discovery period, she said, “I feel like you don’t like me very much.”
I took her statement and contemplated my response.
“Wow,” I said. “I hear what your saying, but I think I can provide some additional information about what’s going on for me. And, the short answer is, I like you a lot.”
The conversation that we had over the next hour was illuminating for both of us. While we were on different energetic frequencies we were intelligent enough to slow down and listen to each other. I was able to not build a case for my affections. And as we explored the nuance of her initial statement, we learned a great deal about our communication styles. And we learned that we liked each other a great deal. And we decided to have a few more dates before we made any decisions regarding our future.
Pausing Is the Healthy Response to Overwhelm
Returning to my life today, there are so many moving parts, so many hyper-good moving parts, that my entire body, soul, mind, is a bit out of balance. I’ve been taking aggressive action to reestablish my calm center. But I’ve been pouring gasoline on the flames even as I’m trying to breathe and “take it easy.”
Today, I am exploring a process of self-regulation and mindfulness. Today, this morning, after a partially satisfying night of sleep, I am throwing my energy and actions into a WAIT STATE. Enough if/then statements. Enough do loops. Enough security protocols. Enough stimulation. This morning the universe said, “Press Pause, John.”
It is a very powerful and exciting state, this PAUSE moment.
I could tell you all the things I’m working on. I could give you an update on so many wonderful things in my life. But I’m going to take that energy, those words, and give them back to myself. Self-care becomes job number one today. All of this dancing, racing, loving, singing, can be redirected towards more private and rejuvenating practices. Sure, those around me will feel it and wonder, ask, imagine, what’s going on with me.
It’s okay. I’m going to let you keep your own concerns and advice. I’ve got plenty of my own.
An End is Always a Beginning
As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling relationships. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your post-divorce challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.
Further reading related to this pause:
- Universe Says: FULL STOP
- Just Because You Feel It, Doesn’t Mean It’s There
- Imagine a Man
- Dating Boundaries After Divorce
- How Soon Do You Say, “I Love You” In a New Relationship?
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
- Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex–and How to Get It
- The Soul of Sex: Cultivating Life as an Act of Love
- Zen Sex: The Way of Making Love