The 3-point Formula for Loving Relationships: Where You Lead I Follow

The 3-point Formula for Loving Relationships: Where You Lead I Follow

If we assume the following truth in all our interactions and plans, we might be able to give up some of the anxiety and stress that we self-inflict on our lives and the lives of those around us.

There is no hurry. I have all the time I need.

In reality, we have plenty of time in our lives. We have exactly the amount of time we need. Of course, the reality is we have only the time we have, no more, no less. But if we trust in our god, in our program, in our higher power, if we are following our highest purpose, if we are living our authentic lives, we are being given exactly what we need in this very moment. And this one. And even this one.

What would happen if you could relax and let go of your expectations and ambitions for a few minutes and just breathe in the acceptance of this part of being a human being rather than a human doing.

  • I have all the time I need.
  • I am exactly where I am supposed to be, in this very moment.
  • A can start from this moment to direct my actions towards my highest purpose in all my actions and words.
  • I can pause here and appreciate my life and the lives of those around me.
  • As I go forward from this moment, I am relaxing into the arms of my higher power and the “greater plan” that is above my understanding.
  • I can try and direct my life and run things by my roadmap and timeframe, OR I can let go a little bit and allow my spiritual guide to lead me.
  • Listening to my higher calling, I can make decisions today based on aiming towards my highest purpose. I can say no to activities and responses that are pointed in ad adverse direction.
  • Today, I can breathe in this truth for a few minutes. I have enough time. I am committed to living my best life. I walk forward from this moment in alignment with my spiritual values and my authentic self.

Intentional and Flexible Negotiation in Love

I woke up this morning desiring several things. Like Winnie the Pooh, my first enthusiastic question for the universe was, “What’s for breakfast?” And then, of course, my other 40-acres voices came into the scene. Piglet’s voice is worried about time, money, and getting everything done on our to-do list. Eeyore’s voice appears with some despair about my work schedule and “I wish I didn’t have to work today. This rain will probably make ruin everything.” And Christopher Robin appeared, in the form of Oprah and Depack’s meditation on relationships, and said, “Speak your truth with love.”

Let’s look at how this might play out as a couple discusses what to do for breakfast on a Sunday morning? The first partner expresses a desire to go with the flow and allow the other partner to pick. The second partner says, “How about we cook something here and spend some time together?” The first partner then revises their initial choice. “Well, that would work, but I was thinking of going out as an adventure for both of us. As sort of a celebration of our day together.” The second partner considers this new information and responds, “That sounds great. Would you prefer texmex or something else?”

In this simple interaction about what we’re going to eat for breakfast this couple shows their willingness to allow the other partner to lead the direction of the morning. Then, when the choice is different than they anticipated, and what they actually wanted in the first place, they revised their offer. In accepting the change, the second partner is able to “flex” and join their partner in their vision of a breakfast out. Did either of the partners compromise? Did they ultimately join in their decision?

And I can tell you this Sunday discussion and breakfast went very well.

The three-point formula for negotiating love relationships:

  • Listen for what your partner is expressing.
  • Always assume the best of intentions.
  • “Flex” when things are easy and join with your partner as opportunities arise.

In aligning our actions, intentions, and words, we can align with another person as a couple. In the long run, this is the only way to approach relationships: uncompromising honesty.

Yes, you can speak your truth in love. I invite it. I celebrate your honesty to tell me when things are not working out for you. And I promise to do my part to let you know what I want, what I need, and what I’m flexible about. And as we go forward we can rest assured that the relationship has become a priority in our lives and that our individual agendas are large enough to contain a partnership.

Go forward, listen, and be flex.

Always Love,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling relationships. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your dating/relationship challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce dating journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.

Get the complete single dad story with John’s new book: Single Dad Seeks (available in all formats)

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