BPS is my new mantra:
What Happens This Second Is Critical
Much of our life experience is colored by our thoughts and moods. If our circular thinking is stuck on something from our past, our present moment experience is also partially altered by the LENS of that memory, thought, rumination, that’s going on in our heads.
This second is all there is. And in this second you can redirect your mind back to the source of all life. BREATHE. STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. CLOSE YOUR EYES. TAKE 3 DEEP BREATHS.
You can reset your mind, refocus your attention and release the thinking-loop you are in. Just stop and breathe for a minute or two. Be quiet. Open to the meditative qualities of the breath. IN – ask for clarity, OUT – let go of expectations. This practice works anytime, anyplace, and can help calm just about any anxiety.
This is a direction I give my coaching clients as well as my partner. Pause and breathe for 30 seconds. You can pray or meditate in this:
“moment of peace”
A. IN – receive
C. OUT – release
It’s okay at any point in our lives (in our day) to say “Pause, please. I need to get back to you on this.” It’s about taking responsibility for our own lives. When our own pain is swirling around us, preventing us from feeling the loving generosity of the universe, it’s time for a pause.
This means, resetting boundaries and expectations
with every person and every aspect of your life.
I used to do this by going away on a solo camping trip, or a car trip. I would journey off into a mini-vision quest and spend some time alone. Feeling my feelings. Letting go of my expectations of the future. And tuning into the beauty of my life, the sun on my face, and the snow/sand/water of the outdoor adventure. It is important, even for extroverts, to have time alone, time to recharge, time to reset ourselves.
Sometimes, this pause/reset feels like an ending for some of our relationships. It may be the beginning of the transition out of something that is not working, but the pause alone does not end anything. What a pause does is end my own attachment and suffering at the moment, and allow me to just appreciate nature, my breath, and this life of wonder that I am living.
Letting go is a ninja skill that you must learn if you’re going to be happy. Our sadness is often associated with an expectation we have about how an event, or a relationship, will turn out. We set high expectations and then we are let down when the actual adventure does not perfectly match the life we are living. We get out of sync with ourselves when we put too many expectations on ourselves or those around us.
Releasing the future outcomes in all aspects of our lives is a really hard (really Zen) practice. If I am living in non-attachment, I am able to celebrate victories without too much projection about where we’re going. I can also mourn the parts of my life that are still in non-alignment. The loss of a friendship, the loss of a partner, the loss of some dream of success, is all part of this release.
At GROUND ZERO, at this moment, I am letting go of all expectations of those around me. I’m asking for a moment of zen. I am stating my boundaries. I am going for what I know will reset my soul, my anxiety, and my stress index that has been trending in the red zone for the last 6 weeks.
This moment is the release I need.
Open to What Is Emerging In Your Life
When we are out of alignment with our own goals and aspirations, we can feel lost, depressed, stressed, or even panicked. When we open to people and projects that are emerging in our lives, we can pay attention to each potential with good focus and good awareness.
What is emerging is something new and different. We must lean into the edge of the unknown, to get through it. This is fearless letting go. And fearless rebuilding. And a fearless pause.
As I reflect in this moment, in my own space, in my own company, I know that my life is good. The way forward, the choices, the new openings are not yet settled. And this is part of the joy of the present moment.
As I am in the present moment, I don’t have to be anywhere else. I don’t have to worry about my kids, my girlfriend, myself, I can just be content. I can be content and alone. I can release my dreams and prospects, and be with what IS at this very second.
Each Second is a New Opportunity
Today is the day. This is the moment. This post signals the last moment of denial. I am in charge of my own thinking, my own mood management, and my own path forward.
Yes, we want to depend on and find a partner to join us, but this is not a simple process. There may be a lot of false positives along the way. We may think “this is it” and by staying in the moment, come to understand that things are not as groovy as we are imagining them to be.
What I know today, is that I must stay in my lane. I cannot help fix the other people in my life. I can only reflect on my life and my journey. If asked, I can give feedback. If asked, I can recalibrate my boundaries and expectations.
Today is the day.
This is the moment.
Take the next right action and let go of winning or losing. If you are present in each moment you are winning.
John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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