I have a reverence of my moods these days. I am no longer beholden to them. I can love these former lovers and still do nothing to reach out to them. I am pointed in a healthier and happier dream now.
I have shown my children how to recover from a loss, and become happier, and more intentional in their lives.
Well, if I’m imagining this next relationship is the LAST ONE, well, that too has its own kind of pressure, that perhaps is just as debilitating as the rushing of the process.
Sure, I believe my ex wants our kids to be healthy and happy. And somewhere she got in her mind that being the PRIMARY PARENT after the divorce was *in the best interest of the children.*
When we get dark and cannot see the way forward, we need people who are reaching out to us, connecting with us, even when we're feeling good and not reaching out to them. We need friends along the path.
You can't have kids by yourself. Your partner is just as important. Why would it be different when you no longer live together?
If we can see and seek the balanced parenting approach we might be able to continue that holistic love even as the marriage comes apart.
But it's the kids who stand to lose the most from this imbalanced systemic approach. Dad is more than money. And mom is capable of making just as much money (let's table the fair pay discussion for the moment) as the dad. These old roles no longer fit the educated and compassionate couple. But the road to a good and healthy co-parenting plan is not a well-worn path.