What would it take to sway you towards someone so beautiful… If you had an opportunity to date the prettiest person you’ve ever been around, would you do it, even if they exhibited early warning signs of not being all that “together?”
I cannot speak from the experience of being the most beautiful person, but I have had several opportunities in my life to court or run alongside some amazingly attractive women. (I wonder what their challenges are, but I have only vague ideas.) Each time, I learned some powerful lessons about myself, about what I will and will not accept in a partnership, EVEN if this person is the “most beautiful girl in the world.”
Nothing, however, prepared me for an adult relationship with stunning beauty. There were so many positive signs. And so much momentum, it was almost impossible to derail our collision course. But, it almost didn’t happen at all. After we’d shared a few conversations, I remember visiting a link she had shared with me. “Oh no!” I exclaimed. “She’s way too beautiful.”
What were my fears related to this woman’s awe-factor?
- She would always be pursued and challenged by men who wanted her
- I would never feel completely safe (partially due to #1)
- Her amazing looks and fantastic body have set her up for a form of “worship”
- She hasn’t had to work too hard to make others happy (or hasn’t considered the need to make anyone else happy)
- Her sexual chemistry would always hold sway over me, even if things were going poorly
- Just kissing her is making me high, and I don’t really want to be “high”
- I’m not sure if I’m up for the challenge of keeping her entertained and satisfied
I’m not sure if women above a 9 have ever had to work at finding or keeping a relationship. Well, until that relationship got serious, that is. Early courtship and relating would often be fueled by the intoxication and momentum of the chemistry and connection. But the intoxicating effect of these partners can keep us from paying attention to the warning signals. I was not very good at evaluating the potential partnership when I was staring into watery blue eyes that were smiling back at me, inviting me into the rushing stream of pleasure. And the pleasure could be intoxicating as well.
The intoxication was an indication of something being out of balance. There was some kind of anxiety mixed in with the intoxication. It felt like exhilaration, but I think it was fear. In a more recent example, this warm glow would wrap around me at just seeing this woman. And a kiss was more like a jolt of tequila. I couldn’t understand what was knocking me so far out of my comfort zone. It felt amazing. Like a roller coaster, amazing. But not great amazing. More of a “holy shit” amazing.
I don’t want to be amazed by my partner’s beauty to the point where I feel high. Kissing this woman was like having a hit of adrenalin. All racy and potent, but also dangerous.
The Danger of Addiction in Relationships
I know that I have been addicted to the sexual part of a relationship even after the partnership potential had been ruled a no. No, I was not going to seek a long-term relationship with this person, but “what the heck” let’s have some fkn fun. Let’s have some fun fkn.
What I learned in the last 6 years or so, is that I can become quite addicted to a sexual partner. I love their body. I love their sex. I love the way I feel before, during, and after sex. BUT… There is not much else that indicates a great relationship is ahead for us. Nothing is working but the sex. That’s a NO. Sure, it’s a no, but it can be a “no in a few months, let’s just dig the intoxication.”
Sex is intoxicating. When we are in the glow of sex, we’re not in our right minds. It’s important that you got through the sexual honeymoon before making more long-term arrangements. You simply cannot understand enough about the real relationship when you’re hormones and energies are entangled in the early sexual explosions.
I am no longer willing to be addicted to a beautiful woman just because she’s intoxicating. In fact, the intoxication is an indication that I need to pay attention and slow things down. Figuring out what’s lighting me up is part of the journey of relationship-building.
My Goal is a Lifelong Partner
Sure, it may be idealistic, but I’m looking for my lifetime partner. I want to grow old in adoration and connection with another person. I want one woman. I am seeking a spiritual, mental, and physical partner.
Spiritual – do we align in our approach to life, god, and our path forward?
Mental – can they own their “shit” and bring their empowered and vibrant self to the relationship?
Physical – do we fit? do we adore each other? are we paying attention to our partner’s pleasure or just our own?
If we can align in those three aspects, and we’re committed to finding and working on a lifetime partner, I don’t see why this goal is out of reach. I simply have not called in my forever girl. I’m looking. In the arena of relationship-building, I’m getting bloody, getting high, and getting killed. And I’m ready to get back up and give it another go. I’m realigned with myself and my goals. Let’s go find someone whose vision has some touchpoints with mine.
*image of Liv Tyler from Stealing Beauty
John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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How I Can Help
I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women and men in small groups as well as individual 1 x 1 zoom calls. If you have questions about life coaching I am happy to talk to you. Please schedule a phone call HERE.
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Several poems to the most beautiful girl in the world.
- be as beautiful as you are
- she will remain beautiful and undisturbed
- the most beautiful girl in the world
- collection of poems : coffee love letters
And a few previous posts about beauty:
- Why The Amazingly Beautiful Woman Is Not Responding to My Messages
- Beautiful Women and Refactoring My Approach to Dating After Divorce
- Two Beautiful Women and Two Cups of Coffee: How This All Got Started
Here are my books on Amazon:
- Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
- Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
- A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children
- The Sex Index: Getting Our Love Languages Right in the Bedroom
- Here Comes the Darkness: Surviving and Thriving After a Mental Illness Diagnosis
- The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes an Issue
- The Storm Before the Divorce: When One Parent Wants Out, That’s the End
Now Available from Amazon