As I learn more about my personal investment in threads, and my reluctance to let go of an elevated connection, I am better able to manage my own interactions, my own energy, and my own decisive disconnection of a golden thread.
As I pause to review my last fourteen years as a single dad I am not in a hurry to begin a new summit attempt with a new person.
When we get dark and cannot see the way forward, we need people who are reaching out to us, connecting with us, even when we're feeling good and not reaching out to them. We need friends along the path.
My actions and words are all I can control. My goal is to always do my best. And give everyone around me their own agency to make plans, change plans, and find their own way forward.
I can take a break from her blasting texts. I can hold my boundary. I will try again tomorrow. That's usually my mantra.
The rest is negotiation, navigation, and nurture. We've both got work ahead of us. We are always in a state of becoming. But today, I have my lifetime cheerleader beside me. And I'm always ready joyfully embrace her in all of her flaws and misdirections. We've all got them.
In this sacred life, we have a limited number of hours in our day. The same number of hours as every other being in our space-time continuum. By checking in with your intentions and actions on a regular basis you can begin adjusting your life towards the life you want.
I am sad sometimes that I no longer have a partner and cheerleader in navigating these difficult times. But that role/relationship ended several years before the marriage did. And now I have two fabulous kids and their mom.