I heard a woman in a divorce recovery class, about 10 years ago, talk about dating, “Well, if you start going with someone, at some point, they are going to want sex. I just don’t need that kind of pressure.”
Of course, she was right, for her. Sex, or more clearly, the pressure of sex, was an issue. She was beautiful. She was smart. (Getting a Ph.D in some biological science) and she shared hilarious shots of pets. Not just her pets, all pets. And once I asked her if I could use them occasionally to build funny memes. She agreed, but wanted no credit or links from my *bs*. I’m imagining I was seen as one of those demanding dudes.
Dating Today Might Look Different
There are some major differences to the climate of dating out there today, in 2023. I don’t know personally, because I found a BIG YES about two years ago. But, I still coach women and men in dating and relationships.
Here’s what’s the same about online dating:
- fake accounts
- MAGA babes and MAGA dudes (I hope they find each other)
- glamour accounts
- dating app employees posing as hot young people of either sex or any orientation
- a 1% connection or match rate (after you filter)
- there are good and honest people online (but you need a strategy)
- your next lover
But, the world has shifted about 1 degree on its axis. (Scientific fact, Google it) And the behavior and assumptions about online dating have changed.
What’s challenging in today’s dating climate?
- covid and associated airborne illnesses
- metoo has put men on the defense
- metoo has put women on notice that most guys are assholes
- players are on all platforms, dating is no different
- scammers trying to pull you off to their PRIVATE sites (they get paid to poach you from Match.com)
- fake accounts are getting more sophisticated
- piercing the bullshit to get an honest potential partner to a “hello date”
- sex is terrifying
- new challenges arrive daily (news, stress, job loss, money, interest rates, the supreme court’s corruption)
- it is easy to give up and stay home
- you’ve got to play if you want a chance to win
Rebuilding Your Dating Approach
The number one problem with people using online dating: ambiguity. If you don’t KNOW what you want, you’re going to spend a lot of unnecessary dates trying to figure it out. Here’s a major dating tip: research what you want and what you are bringing to the table. Online dating profiles are a great opportunity to highlight what you think you bring as a partner. (Me: tennis, music, writing, romantic activity, poetic wooing) And you get to see what’s out there.
Browsing online dating apps is fun for about 30 minutes. After your finger is sore from swiping, the novelty wears off and you wonder if you’re ever going to get to the bottom of the available people. But, you’re going to be swiping left a lot. Here’s a quick tip: swipe right on as many people as you can. It might start a conversation and you can learn from conversations. What you can’t learn from is browsing and swiping.
Take your time. Find what turns you on. Make sure you know what you want and what you bring to a new relationship. Then, HAVE FUN. Don’t take dating too seriously at first. When you begin a partnering conversation, start watching for red flags and warning signs. Too many indicators of rocks head, NEXT.
Get out there. And get on with it. It’s not that hard. But it requires work.
- 7 Habits of a Sizzling Sex Life: Relationship Building
- The 3-point Formula for Loving Relationships: Where You Lead I Follow
You can find all of my books on AMAZON.