As a co-parent to a narcissistic is has not been easy. In most of the negotiations, I was given no chance to be on top.
Something about my celebration of my kids, my ability to house them while it was my weekend, caused my ex-wife more fury.
I am sad sometimes that I no longer have a partner and cheerleader in navigating these difficult times. But that role/relationship ended several years before the marriage did. And now I have two fabulous kids and their mom.
Why would someone attempt to mess with the relationship between her kids and their father? Still? 13 years later?
If you put your kids first you may need to fight to get what you want. And by putting your kids first, sometimes you may have to fight their mom. But to be the best dad you can be, you have to be there, you have to spend time with your kids. All of that time that was taken away is now water under the bridge, but today it's much more clear for me. I take every offer to have the kids an extra night or to support my ex when she has to work late.
It's going to get easier. You are going to be okay. Your kids are going to be okay. And, at some point in the future, you're going to look back on this event (the divorce) as one of the defining moments in your life. Act well. Learn to lean into the process of becoming a single parent.
Learn to love your anger and what it is teaching you about yourself, your past, and how you want to move forward in the future.
If either participant becomes too overwhelmed (anger, sadness, hopelessness) it's time to take a break.