Big D Energy: How Dad’s Can Do Better in Divorce
How is it possible that you don't care for or support your co-parent? How can that much anger be misdirected at the former love of your life?
How is it possible that you don't care for or support your co-parent? How can that much anger be misdirected at the former love of your life?
My motto for dealing with my ex-wife and her anger: Focus on your children. Love your children.
Let's do this TOGETHER. It's much easier if we're on the side of our kids and not against one another.
It's hard when you're on the receiving end of someone else's trigger. But we can get better at identifying our own triggers and triggered moments. And there are ways to help our partners notice when the rage or sadness that is coming out of them, might be a bit bigger or deeper than the infraction that caused the initial pain.
For the last years of his life, my buddy will do whatever he does as an old dog. I will watch him zigzagging around the back yard and try to remain happy for him rather than sad for him. I will love on him as much as I can. And I'll be aware of how my emotional attachments and complaints are mine alone. He's a dog.
As our kids grow up, our past transgressions and lies will come back to haunt us. I don't think I've lied to them, other than the agreed upon lie (giving my wife the all-important cover) that the divorce was a mutual decision. It was not.
"I understand I have disappointed you. And that's okay. You are disappointed. Let's talk about what we're going to do next."
When divorce is amicable there's a chance for equal parenting. When a divorce starts with Dads getting 30% of the time and 100% of the expenses there is little incentive for moms to be fair.