Three women have passed through my life in the last few months. Each with a new set of offers, skills, and challenges.
The beauty: a full 9.5! with the smile of a goddess and the body of a Siren.
The beast: a queen in hot pursuit of what’s next
The funster: a delightful and aroused vixen seeking a treat for her “husband”
I think of an aspirational relationship as having several factors:
- Shows the potential to be a lifetime partner
- Fit and happy
- Exponential joy
- Spiritual and emotional connection
- Is interested in exploring a collaborative relationship
A number of opportunities showed up in my life with compelling and intoxicating offers. Each one was also missing some vital components.
Was clear that a relationship was not her intention. And yet our chemistry connected and remained lit up as we texted and chatted on the phone. And as the first 5 days climaxed in a “non-date” and a luxurious morning on the banks of a river. Her flaming comet of potential scorched across my sky and dimmed all other stars for a brief moment. And just as the heat reached a climax she burst into flames and sparks of unresolved pain and anguish. She left my atmosphere and remains an aspirational star. Beautiful yet unreachable now.
This queen connected via a mutual friend and was interested in my writing and my coaching. And, as it turns out, she was also interested in my potential to fulfill an open slot on her dance card. As we talked on the phone, her narrative was mainly about her success, her money, and her availability. She was aflame with potential and direct offers and we had just met. I was not interested in becoming part of her entourage.
I was at a local pickleball/bar playing with some friends when this beautiful dark mystery arrived at our table with another woman and a man. And like a moth towards a flame, she sidled up beside me and said, “You can’t kiss me.” Five minutes later she was sticking her tongue between my lips. “My husband is at home.” There was some part of the connection that felt off from the beginning. Somehow, I was getting a contact high for this woman and her two friends. But mainly from this woman.
At one point she FaceTimed with her husband and showed him a brief pan of our table of friends. We all parted as friends, but her behavior and unsolicited French kisses were confusing as well as intoxicating. When a soul is open to the idea of love, sex, and whatever, there will be people that show up for their own gratification. They want to bask in the fire and glow of joyous energy. They are either vampires or tricksters. This woman was a bit of both.
The Funster Goes Dark
Here’s the end of our textual exchange of fire, innuendo, and teasing.
I did not fully accept her non-answer. I sent her a link to a post of mine where I discuss the hot hot heat test. Here was her answer.
Was she just a flirty woman out of the prowl that night, or was she recruiting me for her husband’s pleasure? I don’t guess I’ll ever know. She had targeted me. I was some prize or some indulgence that she could not articulate out in the open. So it was all flirt, fantasy, and fun until I asked the question.
What Did I Learn From All This Activity?
As I spent time with the beauty, I began to see through the overwhelming attraction and into the fragile and “not ready for a relationship” side of things. While she was amazing, I began to feel that behind the 1000-watt smile was still hurt and growth that needed to happen. She was not prepared to meet me. She told me this repeatedly. I didn’t listen at first. She showed me a glimpse of her treasures and tribulations before moving on. She arched away from me with astounding speed and clarity over the course of 3 – 4 hours. At least, I’m going to chalk it up to clarity. (Waves goodbye.)
The beast is still asking me for time together. I keep pressing about our potential business dealings, while she continues to relate stories of her domination of the local real estate market. She has grown dark over the last few days. This is a good sign. She was not getting the echo she expected from her wild gesticulations of desire and offers of companionship.
And the funster is gone for good, but still fluttering around in my mind. There was a high associated with her hyper-connected response to me. And that enhanced contact was a bit thrilling. It was also telling.
I Still Haven’t Found…
I am not interested in a “high” with any of these three archetypes. I am looking for steady and solid. I am looking for a soft place to land when the pace of life gets out of balance.
As I move forward into my own dark nights and sunny mornings, I am striving for a balanced relationship, rather than an en fuego relationship. I don’t need someone to trigger me, or push me off-center. I don’t need intoxication. I actually drive my life a bit hard and intoxicating substances tend to blunt my vision and clarity. Why would I want a relationship that did the same thing?
… What I’m Looking For
- A calm center
- Availability to me
- Joy unlimited
- A mutual adoration feedback loop that grows stronger the more time we spend together
- A girl with a short skirt and a long jacket
- A willingness to explore what’s possible together
How Do I Find “Next”
It’s got to start with me. I have to continue to refine my roll, continue to work on my own global takeover, continue to seek with an open heart and an open mind. I don’t know when it’s going to happen next. But I do know it’s going to happen for me. The BIG LOVE I seek is also seeking me.
Someday. Someway. Maybe I’ll understand you.
– Marshall Crenshaw