Healing My Divorce Resentment: A Single Dad Contemplates the Future
It was not fair what happened, and in many ways, my ex-wife was the architect and builder of the divorce.
Finding joy in your life is a big part of the plan.
I believe we have set points, but not of happiness, of joy. I know that even in moments of extreme grief I can feel joy. Joy is a pursuit. Joy is either a focus of your attention or not. It’s kind of like being positive, but it’s different.
Joy is different than happiness. Joy is part of our internal compass. You’ve got to find your own inner joy. It’s a big shift, this focus on inner joy and not outer happiness. I cannot control many of the aspects of my life. I am not always happy. But, I am learning to be always joyful.
It was not fair what happened, and in many ways, my ex-wife was the architect and builder of the divorce.
In this day I release my ex-wife. I release my two lovely children from any frustration I have at not being able to book time on their busy teenager calendars. I release myself from my expectations of where I would be at this point in my adult life.
As I licked my wounds alone, I could only imagine the parties that were still going on in my old house. The bathtime fun, the friends over on the weekends, the breakfast and dinner routines. Time. That is the real loss in a divorce. My ex-wife got most of it. I got the dregs on alternating weekends.
She has played all her trump cards and she's still not happy. She's remarried and she's still not happy. She might not ever be happy. That's no longer my problem.
I don't think my ex-wife or my ex-girlfriend derived any positive benefits from attacking me. And perhaps, their momentary feeling of superiority and vindictiveness was worth the price. But both these women attacked me and took actions to hurt me and my future prospects.
Go easy on yourself when you're not at your best. A lot of people are not at their best today. A lot of people never reach 110% velocity. Give thanks that you can get so high on life, and chill out when you fall below the uber-winning beast mode that makes you feel so excited.
Hold yourself in the highest regard. When you try these affirmations, listen to what comes back from your own thoughts. If there are contradictions, be gentle with them. Be gentle with yourself.
Even before the relationship began to physically disintegrate, we were feeling a bit disconnected. How did we lose what was once so hot and pure? How did the dream die, even as we were trying to be good partners and good stewards of our lover's heart?