I had a few disconnects this summer. None of them were tragic or overly dramatic, but they were misses nonetheless. When my expectations are not met I experience disappointment. That’s how disappointment works. When I set an expectation, either spoken or unspoken, with someone else, it is 100% up to me to either keep up my side of the agreement and ask if things are not going as planned. OR… Lean back a bit and let things happen naturally, without a lot of intervention or course correction from me.
Making Choices About How I Spend My Time
Here’s what a mentor of mine told me towards the end of the summer, “It is a choice they are making about how they want to spend their weekend. A choice to do something other than what you wanted them to do. Don’t make an issue of it now, but if it keeps happening, that will tell you something.”
Today, I made a choice to travel alone to the beach. To spend some time in my own company.
My plans
- Nap
- Walk on the beach
- Swim
- No alcohol
- No ice cream
- Eat breakfast somewhere new
- Write
- Savor the loneliness
In this moment of pause, I can reflect on my own unmet expectations. And today, I can meet one of my own. As the super-heated summer rolled on, I could not seem to make a beach trip happen. I asked. It did not happen. I asked again. Nada. I wrote a note. Still, my desire to dip my toes in the salty sand remained unfulfilled.
We Have To Fulfill Our Own Expectations
I can ask to be loved. I may not feel loved even when love is abundant and specific. I might still miss some aspect of being loved. I might not feel loved, even in the presence of love. And, I can want someone else to meet my needs for love and connection, while not doing a very good job of being clear about what I need. Today, I didn’t ask anyone. Today, I took care of my desire to go to the beach. September might not be summer, but it’s beachy enough for me and my inner smile.
I am alone. I am happy. I am loved.
Today, I am keeping my own company. And I am getting clearer about asking for exactly what I want and then making it happen.
Always Love,
John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling lives after divorce. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your dating/relationship challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.
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- Dad’s Divorce Journey: 9-years Later I Still Feel the Loss of Kid-time
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- Emotional Intelligence Essentials for Long-Term Relationship Success
