The Company You Keep and Keeping Your Own Company

When my expectations are not met I experience disappointment.

I had a few disconnects this summer. None of them were tragic or overly dramatic, but they were misses nonetheless. When my expectations are not met I experience disappointment. That’s how disappointment works. When I set an expectation, either spoken or unspoken, with someone else, it is 100% up to me to either keep up my side of the agreement and ask if things are not going as planned. OR… Lean back a bit and let things happen naturally, without a lot of intervention or course correction from me.

Making Choices About How I Spend My Time

Here’s what a mentor of mine told me towards the end of the summer, “It is a choice they are making about how they want to spend their weekend. A choice to do something other than what you wanted them to do. Don’t make an issue of it now, but if it keeps happening, that will tell you something.”

Today, I made a choice to travel alone to the beach. To spend some time in my own company.

My plans

Nap
Walk on the beach
Swim
No alcohol
No ice cream
Eat breakfast somewhere new
Write
Savor the loneliness

In this moment of pause, I can reflect on my own unmet expectations. And today, I can meet one of my own. As the super-heated summer rolled on, I could not seem to make a beach trip happen. I asked. It did not happen. I asked again. Nada. I wrote a note. Still, my desire to dip my toes in the salty sand remained unfulfilled.

We Have To Fulfill Our Own Expectations

I can ask to be loved. I may not feel loved even when love is abundant and specific. I might still miss some aspect of being loved. I might not feel loved, even in the presence of love. And, I can want someone else to meet my needs for love and connection, while not doing a very good job of being clear about what I need. Today, I didn’t ask anyone. Today, I took care of my desire to go to the beach. September might not be summer, but it’s beachy enough for me and my inner smile.

I am alone. I am happy. I am loved.

Today, I am keeping my own company. And I am getting clearer about asking for exactly what I want and then making it happen.

Always Love,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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*this post written September 2019

As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling lives after divorce. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your dating/relationship challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.

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