I've Lost My Fire: How to Regain a Passionate Life

I’ve Lost My Fire: How to Regain a Passionate Life

It’s one of the most common complaints. “I’m just not feeling it.” Let’s look at some of the ways we lose our fire and then add a few ideas about how to get it back.

How We Lose Our Passion

Stress in all it’s forms (work, money, relationships, parenting, self-loathing)
Loneliness
Lack of purpose or direction in life
Tired all the time
Depression
Too busy

How We Reconnect with Our Passion

Rest until we’re not tired
Eat better and less
Drink water
Exercise as often as you can (doesn’t have to be extreme or vigorous every time)
Be with others (expand our social connections, reconnect with friends, meetups)
Explore play and hobbies
Kill your TV
Limit social media, if it’s an irritant
Learn what self-care means to you

It’s a lot more difficult than a simple todo list. But it’s easier if you believe in the benefits of taking better care of yourself. Are there things that you are doing that are bad for your energy or self-esteem? Are there simple things you can add back into your life that would have a positive effect? Are you willing to try adjusting your routines and habits to add some of the good stuff in and remove some of the bad stuff?

Take a Break

Sometimes it’s what we are doing that is pulling our lives and emotional wellness down. In October, I took a break from drinking any alcohol. (SEE: Alcohol May Not Be Your Friend: My #SoberOctober Challenge) What I realized after the first day was that alcohol was not a real challenge for me. I added sugar to my sobriety list. And just that one simple change made a big difference in my energy, my self-confidence, and my self-awareness.

When I took a break from sugar and alcohol (they are closely related mood modifiers) I had to look at what was triggering my cravings. (For me, that craving was a piece of candy or a box of two-bite-brownies on the kitchen counter.) I learned how I micro-dose my way through my day in some less-than-subtle ways. Each time I wanted a sweet in October I had to check-in with myself. “What’s going on? What am I feeling? What’s my body telling me?”

Mostly, I learned that I micro-dose with sugar to modulate my moods. If I’m sad for a minute, I think a brownie-bite might lift me up. If I’m tired, perhaps a cup of coffee with some mocha would do the trick. My list went on and on.

The Moods That Trigger My Cravings

Sad
Tired
Bored
Lonely
Horny
Uninspired
Frustrated

During the course of every day, each of these momentary fluctuations in my mood propels me towards the cookie jar. It was easier to see what was happening when I was not giving myself the micro-dose of goodness (or unhealthiness) as these moods came up. What I would like to propose is: give your body and soul what it needs/craves. Try and make healthier choices if you decide a meal or snack is in your best interest. And then, let it go, move on. Keep going. Do a bit more, eat a bit healthier, sleep a bit more, play a lot more, and listen to what your soul and body tell you.

Are You Heading in the Right Direction

I believe, that every action we take is either towards our goals or away from them. This is true in relationships. This is true in our work. And this is an essential lesson to contemplate when we are trying to restoke the fire in our belly. Your body wants to be vibrant, energetic and inspired. The choices you make each day, about food, rest, water, and play can have a dramatic effect on your energy and drive towards your short-term and long-term goals.

As we enter the holiday months, let’s be good to our bodies and our souls. Let’s pay attention to what we’re eating and doing. And each time we notice we might be making bad choices, let’s not beat ourselves up, let’s give ourselves a gentle encouragement to move back towards a healthier choice, a healthier life, and a healthier future. We can do it.

Always Love,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling relationships. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your dating/relationship challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce dating journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.

More from The Whole Parent:

Please read my books:

Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children
The Sex Index: Getting Our Love Languages Right in the Bedroom
Here Comes the Darkness: Surviving and Thriving After a Mental Illness Diagnosis
The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes an Issue
The Storm Before the Divorce: When One Parent Wants Out, That’s the End