The storms came on queue, Wednesday morning, as my plans for the new job unraveled. And tonight the running trail was covered in puddles and dark shadows of mud and steam. I would’ve rather stayed in bed and watched a movie it was the hungry tiger that compelled me out and into the falling dark.
I was not expecting to the see the tall thin woman in high heels navigating the trail on the arm of her date. How he convinced her it was a good idea to walk down here in those shiny flower print shoes, I’ll never know. But the fragility of it all, cut a bit close to how I was feeling. Things had not worked out. As they had a tendency to do, these things, they sent a cascade of sorry feelings my way. The cascade would not be complete until both potential dates had flamed out and my kids left for the weekend away.
Darkness. Rainy day. And wait… still… hope.
It’s the hope that pulls us upright again after a sickness or minor depression. It’s the imagining… The hope of a kiss, an eventual kiss, again.
So the trail forks in the dark, once again. And as a hungry tiger I find my way back onto the path of self-discovery. Alone as the weather begins heading towards a rainy Fall. Wishing for one or another of the women who come into view to make up their minds. Or perhaps, the lesson is in the loneliness again. I am pushing to hard, again. The striving again, without the easy job, the easy money.
Perfecting my roll again. Slowing it down to keep from frightening the tentative yeses. Getting an “Easy Tiger,” again. And heading back onto the trail alone. In the dark.
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- Continuing Forgiveness As a Single Parent
- Live On the Interwebs: the Fatherhood Wide Open Interview
- The Rest of Our Lives Loving the Same Person
image: the evening trail, john mcelhenney, cc 2014