In a seemingly random and brutal series of events, my life began a transformative reorientation. I was praying as hard as I could. I was working an entry-level job (that I loved by the way) at a local specialty grocery store, and... horror of all horrors was/am living with my 85 yo, mom.
If she drinks the third glass I begin looking for what I'm going to do that evening when she's fallen asleep. If she asks for water, my mind enters into a different set of fantasies that involve her participation. The real joy is that we've had this discussion.
In a relationship that is not quite right, we (I am) are constantly on guard for things to begin going wrong. And either you work through those issues together or you don't. And if you don't you will be miserable trying to stay together. Better to move on.
Patience is not my nature, but it's probably my path forward. Jumping into a relationship that has big red flags is most definitely a path towards drama and disconnections.
I'm a handful. I'm whimsical. I'm capricious. I have a lot of irons in the fire. And, sure, I demand a woman with a high level of confidence and well-seasoned experience in relationship building. We've got to both be into the evolution of becoming a couple.
I have moved into the bedroom too quickly the last two times out. Both relationships taught me huge valuable lessons. And both relationships fulfilled some emptiness I was carrying around when we got together.
Let's find the lighter path together. And if we find ourselves walking along it together, and continually renewing our intentions to get together again, maybe that's enough. I'm really ready for the "ready and centered" woman to show up.
So let's make a pact, in our next round of dating "work" I want to commit to pursuing only the clear YES women. Everything else is a distraction. If I am interested in a relationship, that's going to take time, patience, perspective, and the right YES woman.