Divorced Moms has a chip on their shoulder. I find this to be true on the website, as well as in many of the reactions to my writing. But there’s one subject that lights up the heat-seeking missiles like nothing else: child support. Who should get it? How much it should be? And should child support even be a thing?
The DM Staff Scathes Themselves
Is this comment as offensive to you as it was to me when I read it? My goodness, I’m looking to have a conversation about child support and “clueless dads” and they’re off calling us (dads) “abusive, cheating, lazy ass men.” I’m going to guess this is not the bias of the entire website, but I’m not feeling all that optimistic as I look around a bit.
Okay, fine, it’s written by women who are divorced. They’ve got issues. Let’s look at the custody and visitation section.
And there you get the average attitude of this entire website. It seems to be set up for conflict and “lazy cheating ex-husband narcissists.” There’s not a lot of hope or daylight on the entire site. I guess unless you’re a divorcing mom and need an army of angry cheerleaders, coaches, and therapists. And there are plenty of resources for this audience.
They’ve got listings for divorce laws in each state. They don’t really dig down into the stats of the states, or the core issue with divorce at the state level, but they do a fine guide for a mom getting ready to put her case together against her husband.
The game of divorce is not to be won. The war of divorce presented by Divorced Moms is unfortunate. The stereotypes might be true of a percentage of divorced dads, but there’s an even greater percentage of dads who are fighting just to get equal rights. But nobody wants to talk about family court and divorce bias.
Heck, they’ve even started a Divorce School. (no link provided)
What you’re going to find on Divorce School is a bit more of the same, couched in “free to join” community ready to fill you with facts, figures, ideas, and a lot of leads for divorce attorneys.
Okay, so this divorce marketing conglomerate has magazines, podcasts, a school, and a ravenous audience of divorced or divorcing moms who really do want to learn how shitty their husbands have been. And there’s a lot of support waiting for you. The problem is, all men are not lazy cheating fks. All divorces are not mutual or balanced. And in most states, moms are awarded child support to fund the growth of their state’s AG’s office, rather than “in the best interest of the children.”
Divorced Moms is Not Evil
They’re simply missing any balance of perspective. As a counter-example, I’d like to show The Good Men Project, a site I’ve been writing for since 2012. What you will find on that site is 1. over 50% of the writers and editors are women; 2. perspectives are often presented for both sides; 3. the divorce section is not full of angry rants about bad men causing their own divorces. What I wish DM had is a bit of perspective on their anger and slurs pointed at men in general. In their “staff” comment above I note at least 5 really bad attacks that have nothing to do with my question or with furthering the conversation. I’m a man. Thus I’m a lazy, cheating, abusive, asshole. That’s the perspective. It’s not accurate. It shows the vitriol of the “staff” responding to a dad who fights for equal and balanced divorces.
I’m not here to lecture DM on their bias or their angry thrust. I do hope that my comments stir some feathers at the top, and perhaps they address the absence of the good dad from their entire platform.
Some further reading:
- Dear Ex, We Are Different By Design
- Embracing the Win in My 12-years As a Single Dad
- Father’s Day After Divorce
- Divorce Survival Kit: Keep Moving Forward, Stay Positive
You can find all of my books on AMAZON.