All hell has indeed broken loose on the global dating market, just as it has on the financial and health markets. In times of great crisis, our minds jump to fear, anxiety, and survival, not on finding and giving authentic love to a partner. It’s great to be partnered during times of great crisis as well, but your relationship can go through some struggles as the stress levels in and around us reach their boiling point.
Love During War Times
A week ago I had a new coaching client who was excited to talk about dating again. She wanted to end a relationship that was not very healthy for her, and she wanted someone’s guidance to both break up with class, and go about finding a new partner with intention and some tools to help her. Then the Corona Virus took over the 24-hour news cycle and all of us are walking around waiting for the next zombie apocalypse. She sent me a sweet email about being alone during these uncertain times and wanting to work with me when this whole virus thing blows over. Well, sorry, Felicia, it’s not blowing over anytime soon.
Life during war times is not easy to come by. However, I do think there are some interesting shifts that are happening in all of our lives at this moment, like never before in history, and we’re being called to change our behaviors, attitudes, and approaches to dating.
Where Online Dating Sites and Phone Apps Fail Today
In old-school dating (way back in February) if you found someone else who was interested in striking up a conversation, you’d make a date for a nearby Starbucks and gaze into each other’s eyes for clues and chemistry. Today, I’m guessing that “hello date” is going to take a lot more messages, texts, and phone calls before either of you are ready to run the Corona Virus gauntlet to the park to meet. In these strange times, a chance meeting for a “hello date” could be the connection that ultimately kills you.
Swipe, swipe, swipe is the new
wham, bam, thank you, mam.
So, we’re going to have to slow our roll a bit in the dating world if we are still interested in getting back out there at all. Many people will simply browse and chat online and wait for the health crisis to pass. They may feel it’s too risky to even meet someone in person in this CV era. But, let’s say you are still interested in meeting someone, even in these harsh times. What are some things that are going to be different about dating post-Corona Virus?
- We’re going to be much more conscious of washing our hands (forevermore)
- Since a kiss could literally kill you, we’re probably going to pause that first-date-kiss idea for a few months a least.
- We’re going to message or text a bit more to see if their game is as cute as their smile.
- Phonecalls will become an ever more popular and efficient way of sizing up a date’s potential, prior to braving the wilds.
- We’re going to give our initial date a lot more space, and probably no “greeting hug.”
Alternatives to Online Dating During the Viral Outbreak
We’re also going to need some other ways to find and meet people in this suddenly “shelter in place” world we’re now in.
- The Grocery Story (Your brand can determine your tribe and your price point)
We’ve all got to hit the grocery store for more fluids and fortifications. Even with a mask on we can dress a little cuter, wash our hair, and try and have the appearance of someone who is gainfully employed at home, and not unemployed at home and freaking out.
- Walking Trail (with a dog if you have one, borrow one if you don’t) Since bars, music clubs, and restaurants are closed we might need to find some other recreational activities, that can be done within a safe distance of a potential partner, and where you can give them a good once over before saying hello. I think the walking trail around a local lake would be perfect. If you’ve got a dog, even better. Pets can’t get the Corona Virus.
- Meetup groups might have some problems with the no groups of more than 6 people we have in my city. But they will continue to happen. I heard of a tennis group that was meeting tonight at the public courts, but only in groups of 4 necessary to play doubles. No gathering before or after tennis, please.
- A walk around your neighborhood or a friend’s neighborhood can introduce you to some interesting people. And hey, if you hit it off with someone, they live within walking distance, so that’s a bonus feature.
How To Move a Date Forward
The negotiations and navigations from that first “hello date” are going to be a bit more tricky. I suspect there will be a lot more health information exchanged between the new couple. And then moving within the viral range is going to produce a different type of anxiety. We used to have simple “oh my goodness I’m getting close enough to kiss her, sexual anxiety,” but today we’ve got “oh my goodness this could kill me, health anxiety. Take it slow. Talk more. Text and phone more. Give your new friend the distance they need to start getting closer.
+++ I’m a single dad (coach) who can help you find authentic love: Let’s book 30-minute call and see if we’re a fit. +++
We’re in crazy times. We’re all feeling somewhere between The Walking Dead and Night of the Living Dead as we watch the news and hear of the rising deaths. It’s not the most romantic time. But there are exhilarating aspects to the dating during wartime. What you pay attention to really matters this time, wash your hands, don’t cough, and don’t kiss until you are 100% sure. If a partner wants to kiss you during these times, if they want to get close to you even now, they are into you. So there’s a big indicator of a potential match just by both of you staying in the conversation within 6-feet of each other.
This post on FB today sort of put things into perspective.
Getting Back to Romance BEFORE Wine and Dine
Since the wining and dining is going to happen in one of your homes, there’s going to be a lot of foreplay to get there. That comes from texting, calling, and emailing. Writing skills are incredibly sexy to someone who writes themselves. And reading a well-written love poem… Well, if it was written about you… It’s a big deal. Pull out your Neruda boys and girls and start making with the metaphors and similies.
Here’s all you need to know about the Corona Virus and dating today: the kiss could kill you so slow it down with a long-form poem and crack open your potential lover’s heart with your romantic spirit. A lot of women have told me they really miss the romance. The apps are so much more business-like. Swipe, swipe, swipe is the new wham, bam, thank you, mam.
Write a love poem. Write a love song. Send her a YouTube love letter. Get creative, because it’s going to take a lot more time to get close enough to look directly into her eyes from a safe distance. Good luck out there, and stay safe.
As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling relationships. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your post-divorce challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.
- The Quest for Big Love: How To Set Sail for the Next Relationship
- The Four Laws of Love: Finding & Building Lasting Relationships
- Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way: Optimism and Hope Carry Us
- Commitment and Fear: Closing the Available Exits to Find Your Edge
- Stoking Your Soul Fire: Finding Peace at the Edge of the Unknown
- Mind the Gap: Listening for the Signals from Your Lover
- The 5 Love Languages Gary Chapman
- Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone – Brené Brown