There’s a Problem with Divorced Moms: One of Perspective and Balance

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If you think moms are more important than dads I’ve found just the website for you. Divorced Moms is just that: women of divorce encouraging and coaching other women to get out of unhappy marriages.

Here’s the panel of articles that were suggested to me after reading a trigger post called “Why Women File For Divorce More Often And Men Are Clueless.”

Yep, there he is, the clueless husband. (a variation on my hero image ^^ up at the top.

And I’d say, as the name of the blog suggests, this is a mom-centric forum. No problem. But it’s the cuckolding of the men that troubles me. There is ZERO balance on Divorced Moms, a successful and influential website. Take a look a one of their competitors from the other side of the gender aisle and you’ll find The Good Men Project. What makes that website a bit more fair and balanced is this, it’s got more female authors than men. The Editor in Chief is a woman. Well done, GMP. The articles on relationships, marriage, and yes divorce, are written by both men and women. Where DM falls down, in my humble opinion, is they offer their pedantic perspective as the truth.

Yes, I’d sure like to know “5 Reasons Women Leave Good Men For No Apparent Reason.” Well, I’ll resist switching my focus, but here’s the subheading of that article.

A woman has powerful needs to be filled and gifts to be given. Over the course of her life, she becomes more and more attuned to herself, and less focused on the trappings of what it means to be a woman in the broader culture.

And just so you don’t have to go read the article yourself, here are the 5 reasons.

She married too young
She’s the breadwinner
She’s done nurturing
She feels empty
She gets ignited

Back to the original clueless men article.

Here are the top 8 reasons women file for divorce and men are clueless:

Domestic Violence
Infidelity
Lack of Intimacy
Empowerment
Gender roles
Financial Issues
Unhappiness

The kicker, the icing on the cake (for me) was the closing paragraph and eighth reason.

How’s that for a fair and balanced approach? SRSLY? Men abandon their families for the “new flavor of the month.”

The Bitter Divorced Mom

Let’s just say, I’m an advocate for 50/50 parenting both in marriage and in divorce. If your bias is that men abandon their families, you probably also believe that moms are more important than dads in parenting. I’m going to call bullshit on this one.

Moms are just as likely to cheat
Dads can be just as nurturing and loving as moms
Moms have 100% of the leverage and power in divorce negotiations
Dads or unmarried men may be reluctant to get married when the 60% chance of divorce means they’re going to lose everything

The “moms first” approach of Divorced Moms is nice, but it’s an echo chamber.

Maybe it would be good to get some men offering a balanced perspective on DM as they have done on GMP. Nah, I think they have their platform and their talking points. (See the two lists above.) And those “truths” play well to their target audience. It’s as if Fox News got in the business of divorce, marriage, and relationship advice. You’d better check your sources. And if you’re only reading one side of the story, or pushing a narrative where men are not only clueless but also most likely to abandon their families after divorce, well, let’s just say, the entire blog and these sample posts are not presenting a fair and balanced approach. But then again, neither is Fox News.

If these are your categories about “THE EX”…

I’m going to go with “this is not a very balanced perspective.”

The Real Reason Women Divorce Clueless Men

I’ll leave you with this tidbit of wisdom that is anything but wise.

“Women are often left with no choice but divorce.”

That’s a very rational and self-satisfying statement for any woman considering or going through a divorce. And it’s a common sentiment for women who divorced. They were “left with no choice.” Again, bullshit. And in my experience, 12 years divorced, and 6 years coaching women and men in divorce and co-parenting, there is always a choice. If the choice to divorce were made a bit more fair and balanced, the motivation (2 weekends off, house paid for, all the legal authority) would be less obvious. And yet, so hidden from most of the voices on Divorced Moms. Go read The Good Men Project. You’ll get perspectives from both sides of the equation.

Namasté,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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My comments on the Divorce Moms article seems to have struck a nerve with he “staff.”