I can offer hope and ideas for navigating the most difficult co-parent behaviors. Divorce is hard on everyone, please don't use your former partner as a target for your rage and frustration.
I don't want to be an exhausted artist any more than I want to be a starving artist. Both are contraindications to happiness.
I had the joy and passion in spades. I had a misaligned marriage which generated two wonderful kids. Today I have reset myself towards a creatively fulfilling life.
Keep interrupting the stories you are telling yourself and others. Take control of your thoughts and actions by pausing in the moment and recentering then resetting your trajectory.
Now that they are mostly out of their mom's house they have a bit more autonomy of thought. And when she throws a shitty bomb in between us, we can usually identify the *bs* and choose to not bite.
I believe, 100% that my kids would've benefitted by having equal time with me after the divorce. They would've gotten a more balanced picture of life, struggles, and recovering from hard setbacks.
I know that the drug of love is continuously renewing the purple haze of infatuation that continues to draw me onward, deeper into my commitment and devotion to this woman. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being in love with loving this woman.
"I understand I have disappointed you. And that's okay. You are disappointed. Let's talk about what we're going to do next."