The first time when we were making love during this period, that I noticed things were off, I caught her looking out the window, seemingly bored. "Are you okay?" I asked.
Love is a journey. Love is not a soul mate who sweeps you off your feet. Love is a bit more like beauty and the beast. We've got flaws, we've got inner dragons, we've got issues, and we STILL LOVE THE OTHER PERSON.
I do rely on Love Languages a lot, but I think we need more than that. We need action and clear commitments to fulfill with our partners. We need to give them the space to miss us. The space to get into their own inner dialogue about dreams and projects. We need to feel our own isolation and how much more vibrant we feel when we are together.
As I learn more about my personal investment in threads, and my reluctance to let go of an elevated connection, I am better able to manage my own interactions, my own energy, and my own decisive disconnection of a golden thread.
If I am genuinely looking for a relationship and not just a date, then my concept of holding out for resonance becomes more critical. I've had a resonant partner once before. I know how that feels and how transformative that can be for both people. Anything less than that is a distraction.
She still cannot see how planting discontent on my kids towards me is hurting them more than it's hurting us. She is actively damaging her own relationship with her kids over MONEY.
I can offer hope and ideas for navigating the most difficult co-parent behaviors. Divorce is hard on everyone, please don't use your former partner as a target for your rage and frustration.
I genuinely believe that family laws are corrupt and need to be reset to start at 50/50 parenting with no child support. I love helping moms understand single dads and how to relate to them.