I wish she had taken me or the kids into consideration before going full-force for the custodial divorce deal. It was not good for any of us, her included.
When anger is quick and easily resolved the issues don't stick around much. Try and process the little anger while it is happening. Try and take the BIG ANGER offline, out of the relationship for a moment, and come back with some ideas of how to do things differently.
We need our dads to show up for us, as well as our moms. And when the dad is removed from a family, with the SPO, the balance is shifted dramatically in favor of the "mom as the emotional center" of everyone's lives.
My goal, as a good dad, is to be available emotionally and physically to my kids all the time. They know where I stand. I've never bad-mouthed their mom. And as they continue to grow and mature into adults, I'm back to having an equal opportunity to be with them.