What we do and don’t do determines most of the outcomes in our lives. When we are doing something we don’t like, we’re often unhappy, unpresent, and wishing we were somewhere else. When we are doing something we love, we lose track of time, we get in the flow, and we gain momentum and energy from our activity.
What are we saying yes to that we should be saying no to?
A few of my pet irritations are:
- Waiting in queue for things that could be put off, delegated, or delivered. (Curbside grocery shopping is an example of taking care of myself in this respect, and it cost’s $5.)
- Tap on the shoulder interruptions: the “hey John… (pause) …” When the rest of the sentence or request does not follow what happens is my attention and brain begin waiting, wondering, and then imagining what is about to be asked. Is it bad? Is it a chore? Did I do something wrong?
- Working on meaningless tasks or projects. I’m not talking about the mundane, I’m talking about projects that have little or no payoff. Often they are busywork.
- Paying attention to what someone else is doing or not doing. (Taking someone’s inventory – in recovery speak) When I am mad at a friend for not saying no to some of the items in the graphic, I am not owning my own space. I’m encroaching into their space, their self-management, their business. It’s best, it’s ALWAYS best if we keep our focus on ourselves and the things we can and cannot change.
- Waisting time doing meaningless tasks. (Gaming, paying bills, cleaning the house or car, zoning out, TV)
I am making plans to say no more often. I will listen to my heart more often, I will pause before making difficult decisions, I will pause and check in with my body frequently throughout the day.
How are you planning to invigorate your self-care and health this year? Your comments are welcome.
John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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- The Quest for Big Love: How To Set Sail for the Next Relationship
- The Four Laws of Love: Finding & Building Lasting Relationships
- Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way: Optimism and Hope Carry Us
- Commitment and Fear: Closing the Available Exits to Find Your Edge
- Stoking Your Soul Fire: Finding Peace at the Edge of the Unknown
- Mind the Gap: Listening for the Signals from Your Lover
- The 5 Love Languages Gary Chapman
- Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone – Brené Brown
- Dark Days – my depression index
- Medium: Saying No Is Good For You
- The Problem with the Word “Yes” – Thrive Global
Here are a few of my books on Amazon:
- Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
- Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
- A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children
- The Sex Index: Getting Our Love Languages Right in the Bedroom
- Here Comes the Darkness: Surviving and Thriving After a Mental Illness Diagnosis
- The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes an Issue
- The Storm Before the Divorce: When One Parent Wants Out, That’s the End
- Dating 2.0: Aiming for the Love of Your Life
Now Available from Amazon