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Defining the Deadbeat Mom

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Deadbeat Mom: Uses legal and financial
systems to hurt their co-parent.

She wasn’t threatened by me or my “flight risk.” She knew that I was not hiding money, she controlled all of the bank accounts until we were divorced. She didn’t think I was going to try and not pay my child support. I had agreed to everything she wanted in the divorce. She didn’t give a fuck about me and my ability to house and clothe myself, much less have money to provide for our kids when they were with me. My ex-wife had zero fucks to give after our divorce.

She’d like to tell you she was working “in the best interest of the kids” when she attacked me. She’d like the story to show what a great mom she was, in spite of having to suffer from the financial hardships (or were they benefits?) of the divorce. She got the house, and the kids (70/30 Standard Possession Order), and she got a $1,510 salary, taxes already paid, to continue her lifestyle as best she could. In the name of supporting the kids, dads get shafted by the typical divorce. When a mom consults with a divorce attorney to understand her “options” she’s going to be shown the glorious Divorce Brochure for Women. It looks nice.

The Divorce Brochure for Women

  • You can stay in the house with the kids (it’s what’s best for them, less disruption)
  • You can have the car that is paid for.
  • You get to have your kids the majority of the time.
  • And you’ll have a nice paycheck to help you keep this fine house you once both enjoyed.

Congratulations: you’ve won a golden ticket to your next life. A life without your old husband. And now you are on to greener pastures and ever more accommodating men. Good luck on your journey. Don’t forget about the kids.

Where Things Broke Down in my Cooperative Divorce

About two years into our divorce, my company lost a major client. My income was going to be cut in half until a replacement client had been found. I contacted my ex-wife to let her know the situation.

“I think I’m going to be late on paying for a few months while we hunt for a new client. I don’t have any savings to pay you with, but I will catch up.”

At this point, in spite of my protestations and pleadings, my ex-wife sent our decree to the AG’s office for “enforcement.” She knew this move would crush my options in refinancing my house. She knew this action would put a black mark on my credit score for the next 16 years. She did it anyway. Not because she needed the money. Not because she was afraid I was going to run away from my obligation. She filed with the AG’s office as a way of hurting me as deeply as she could.

But Why Is My Ex-Wife So Vindictive?

She apologized the day she sent the paperwork to the AG’s office.

“I’m sorry about the timing. But this is what’s best for the kids.”

And in the nine years since, she continues to keep the AG’s office on my ass for her own personal, vindictive reasons. Again, I’m not a deadbeat dad. She’s been paid 100% of the money she was owed in the decree. She’s being paid regularly for our daughter, who is 16.5 years old. She’s remarried and has plenty of money. Still, each day she wakes up and doesn’t ask the AG to back out of our account is a day she says fuck you to me.

That is my definition of a deadbeat mom. She didn’t need to file with the AGs office. She did it to hurt me. And she continues to use the AG’s office to hurt me, even when I’m paid up and paying each month. The deadbeat mom uses the custodial system and family law to not only get what she wants but to damage her ex-partner in the process. She’s still mad. But maybe I’m not the cause of her anger. I’m sure glad I’m not married to her anger anymore. And in 1.5 years I’ll be free of the divorce tax, paying for her new shoes, new car, and frequent vacations. Oh, wait… It’s all being used for my daughter, right? $910 per month. Um, yeah.

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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image: i’d put my ex-wife’s photo up there, but why…

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