Dear Hon: The Whole Parent’s Advice on Love and Relationship-Building
Defining a "single parent": Dads and Moms who have sole responsibility (not custody) for their kids at any time during the week are SINGLE PARENTS.
Finding joy in your life is a big part of the plan.
I believe we have set points, but not of happiness, of joy. I know that even in moments of extreme grief I can feel joy. Joy is a pursuit. Joy is either a focus of your attention or not. It’s kind of like being positive, but it’s different.
Joy is different than happiness. Joy is part of our internal compass. You’ve got to find your own inner joy. It’s a big shift, this focus on inner joy and not outer happiness. I cannot control many of the aspects of my life. I am not always happy. But, I am learning to be always joyful.
Defining a "single parent": Dads and Moms who have sole responsibility (not custody) for their kids at any time during the week are SINGLE PARENTS.
If there's an imbalance in the first weeks or months of the relationship, there are going to be bigger issues as you move deeper into the choppy waters of real relationship building.
If I take the proverbial pause, I may find my own serenity is more important at this moment than finding someone to share my life with. Don't force the river. Allow life and love to surround me and relax in the moment of being with love.
It's got to start with me. I have to continue to refine my roll, continue to work on my own global takeover, continue to seek with an open heart and an open mind.
So alcohol is a bit like sex. It clouds your judgment. It allows you to overlook some of the red flags that might be obvious if you were sober. In my plans, I want to meet my partner in a truthy place.
Say YES to all the things that give you joy. Invitations, even when you are not feeling all that great, say YES.
My carnival is happy. And I have to understand that other's carnivals are not my responsibility. Not now. Not ever.
In my current life, the big love is the cushion that's keeping me going. As I wander this dark wilderness of grief and loss, I have a firm and tight hand to hold on to. A partner who is exploring what's next with me. Rain and shine.