Self-care takes many forms. What we know, is most of us do not take enough time off. We drink coffee to fuel our days and interrupt our nights. Self-care is the process of unwinding ourselves from the rat race and giving our bodies and our souls time to recharge, play, and be quiet.
Depression aside, the most powerful work we can do on ourselves is to get straight with our family of origin. It may take a lifetime, and you may not be able to fully rid yourself of the unhealthy influence, but you've got to keep trying.
Losing my consuming relationship was critical to finding this loneliness and then finding the way to reach out to people who cared about me. Even if I didn't really understand how they cared about me, I could not deny his check-in on Facebook.
But I came upon a different perspective with my latest loss of a 2.5 year relationship. I don't want to date at all. I want to have some women friends and see if anything develops from our friendship. Like everyone goes into the friend zone until I'm 6 months sober from my last intoxicating adventure. I'm not ready to date or be in a relationship even though it's what I long for. I like being a couple. I like mundane joys alongside someone I love.
I just choose to stay conscious. I hope that I am facing my issues head-on rather than trying to escape from them or block them out. I have issues. But I'd rather face them sober.
I do recover. I am conscious of when I'm avoiding. I still do it, but I'm doing it less. And I'm learning to take the uncomfortable feelings or worry by the horns and looking the damn bull in the eye and saying, "To hell with you, fear, I'm going in!"
I was showing myself that I was emerging from one of the longest depressions I've been in as an adult. For me, creativity and brain health go hand in hand. So I'm happy to be back, still working, but on the upswing.
So, if you're single, go ahead and put your best foot forward and get out there. Getting to a relationship may take months, so you might as well start exploring the field. And if you see the 10% as potentials then you begin to get hopeful that there "might" be someone out there for you.
If we can build our alignment of priorities around our kids' health and happiness, then we can both relax when we are able to find time alone as a couple.