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Dear Single Moms, Here Are the Top 7 8 Things Single Dads Want

Nobody Wants to Be Back in the Dating World

I’ve recently been back in and now back out of online dating. It’s a rough world out there. Lots of scammers. Lots of really young and really old women. Lots of profiles that are like “WHAT? That’s the best photo you could come up with? That’s what you’re leading with?” And if you don’t like dating, well it can be hell.

A New Perspective on Relationships

But I came upon a different perspective with my latest loss of a 2.5 year relationship. I don’t want to date at all. I want to have some women friends and see if anything develops from our friendship. Like everyone goes into the friend zone until I’m 6 months sober from my last intoxicating adventure. I’m not ready to date or be in a relationship even though it’s what I long for. I like being a couple. I like mundane joys alongside someone I love.

As a single dad, I have a few additional responsibilities in my life. And so does the woman who I’m ultimately with. If you don’t respect and cherish my kids, well, you’re kind of disrespecting me. You don’t have to love them or be a mother to them. But you’ve got to put in the effort to be a friend to them.

Okay, so in line with my What a Single Dad Wants post, I’m ready to update my list based on my current experience of dating, loving, being in a committed relationship, and losing it. Here goes…

Top 8 Things a Single Dad Wants In a Relationship:

  1. 100%! I’m not looking for kind of, maybe, or a near miss. I’m looking for everything rolled up into one package. A woman who’s done the work on herself and is looking for an evolved and loving relationship.
  2. FIT. She’s got to be physically fit. And this is more about us doing our exercise together, not about body shape or ultimate tone. If we play tennis 3 times a week and 1 of those times can be with our significant other, well, that’s heaven.
  3. KIDS. She probably has kids of her own. The reason I say this (and I get flack every time for putting this in) is I want someone who’s made the commitment to another human being (0r two) and knows the sacrifice and work it takes to parent.
  4. FOOD/HEALTH. She needs to know more about healthy food than I do.
  5. WORK. She needs to enjoy her work in the world. And yet, she needs to have ambitions and dreams that zoom out into the future. Where she it going, with or without a man/partner.
  6. SPIRITUAL. She needs to be spiritual. How does she pray or meditate? Is she connected to her higher power or spirit?
  7. CONNECTED SEX. She needs to understand Real Love and how to get there first with herself, and second with me.

Bonus Requirement: 8. Joyful. She can express joy and affection freely, and does so often.

That’s not too much to ask for.

If you were looking for a partner, what are the must-haves on your list?


John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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How I Can Help

I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in 1 x 1 zoom or facetime calls. I work in monthly blocks (4 sessions). We establish a relationship. I become your wingman in navigating and sorting through the bullshit of dating and relationships. If you are here, you’ve probably already read some of my opinions. If we’re a fit, we will both know on our first call. For SEPT-OCT I’m offering a 1 HR introductory call rather than my usual 30-minutes.

I am also launching two coaching groups about dating and relationships in the coming weeks. One for men and one for women, facilitated with a dear friend and wellness/aging coach. Both groups will be limited to 8 participants. So join the FB groups and watch for the opening announcements. THANK YOU.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Markus

    Good luck man. It’s hard to find any of those things. 90% of the women out there just want to go to the beach and party.

    1. jmacofearth

      Hi Markus, I’m guessing from your comment that we are a few years different in age. It seems to me, in my experience, that women who already have kids are interested in building a long-term relationship based on quality time and mutual respect. I think, for me, it took another single mom to really understand my experience as a single dad. At some point, it becomes about more than just you and your kids. When you want someone to spend your life with, they have to love and respect your kids too.

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