Divorce, once mentioned, is a slippery and difficult journey. As you pull apart the lives you’ve built together, there will be anger, resentment, frustration, and even joy, and ecstasy. But the divorce is hard on everyone. Listen for who needs support and then give your love and attention. Always.
POSITIVE DIVORCE (is a concept, an alignment, an intention I use as I go through life as a single dad.)
Divorce is one of the most disorienting events in my life. Everything was lost. I have made a point of trying to turn the bad points into positive information. I am here support you as best I can to lessen the impact on your children. Divorce is the beginning of a new journey. You can make it better for everyone by paying attention to what matters. Your anger at your ex needs to be handled on your own.
In some twisted way, my ex-wife assumed that she was the better parent and thus more entitled to the child support, the house, and the kids' care and feeding. As a good dad, this was just her assumption. Today, her assumption wound probably be supported by state family law. But, I believe times are changing.
Please consider this fact: dads and moms are equally important in a child's life. Yes, there are exceptions. And these days those exceptions cut both ways. So when you are considering divorce and thinking of "going for it" because having more time with your kids would feel good to you, please consider the kids over and above your own needs. Our kids need both of us.
How do you reconcile being removed from the typical family Christmas? How do you deal with the 22 days a month that you have little or no contact with your children? How do you afford ANY Christmas presents when you're struggling to buy gas?
I'll stay out of her business and assessing her state of mind. But there's a good bit of the story that is left out when I take this repose about my divorce. It was a good thing given the toxic circumstances of my crumbling marriage. So in that respect, yes, she did us all a favor. But let's dig a bit deeper to see where things went foul.
I am pro-mom, but I'm more pro-family. If we agree to have kids it's 50/50 forever. Anything less, and I would not have agreed to have kids in the first place.
It's not about cheating in the biblical sense, it's about cheating them out of the full, authentic, and attentive you.
This is my story, from the joy and spiritual awakening of becoming a sad dad at the moment I became a divorced dad. My journey was not easy. I stumbled, I fell, and I wrestled my way back from a dark depressive episode and into a whole parent.
My ex-wife knows I am paying and will continue to pay my child support until my daughter turns 18. She wants to keep me under the thumb of the "enforcement" of Title IV-D because hurting me gives her pleasure.