Let’s start with a common premise. We are talking about long-term, committed, relationships. And in these relationships, we do need to remember to make our partners a priority in our lives. We need to remember the little details that will support their happiness. Here are several simple ideas that can keep you close even as you may be apart all day, or even (on a business trip) all week.
- A good morning text
- A “just thinking about you” text
- A “last night was amazing, I’m excited to see you again tonight” text
- A “I’m heading home, can I grab anything from the store?”
- A “Good night sweetheart, I’ll be dreaming of you” text when you are away
- A loving touch on their back as you pass them in the kitchen
- A sensual gift that you can leave out for them to find
- A “hold everything, I’m so in love with you” text
It’s not about one thing, it’s about everything. Every single action we take in our relationships either builds love and trust or moves away from those feelings. Take a moment to consider your morning routine. Is there more that you can do to express your affection and attention for your partner? Is there a task you can take over that would make their morning start easier? Can you stop for a moment at the start of each day and give an appreciation to your loving partner? Actions are the key here. Touch. Ask. Do supportive activities that give your partner more time or more flexibility in their day.
In this post on The Good Men Project website, the writer’s title is provocative: In Modern Relationships, We Cheat Every Single Day. And while this title has caused this post to be shared quite a bit, the premise of the post is not exactly about the “cheating” we do, but more about the “loving” we don’t do.
The subhead is also activating, but I feel, untrue: “This type of cheating causes much more damage than that of a sexual affair.” Here’s the opening argument:
We’ve accepted so many unacceptable things: sitting at the dinner table with our phones out, arguing over text, publishing every minute of our lives on social media.
Do you know what trumps all that? That society has accepted relationships in which we are being cheated on every day.
I don’t believe we’ve accepted these things. I don’t think phones at the table is a good idea. I try to cut off text arguments with a “can we have this discussion in person.” And I’ve even killed my social sharing about my current love life. Perhaps these are the challenges of millennial relationships, but I’m not certain that this is a given truth, as the article suggests. But these next lines are where this writer veers off into a premise that I don’t agree with at all.
Sure, sex is cheating and may be the most hurtful case, but have you ever stopped to think you’re being cheated out of your relationship every day?
We experience a lack of communication, attention, passion, intimacy and even lack of love. Why are we okay with this and all the communication shortcuts that have become so common?
This type of cheating causes much more damage than that of any sexual affair.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that this writer has not been cheated on in the traditional sense: sexual infidelity. And I would begin to question them about how “damaging” lack of attention is compared to “any sexual affair.”
I think what this writer is trying to express is that our daily actions and acts of affection are important and should be focused with loving attention. And further, that our social media obsessions can often entertain us at the expense of connecting with our partners. The “sexual affair” part, however, is the ultimate betrayal and would end most relationships where casual indifference is clearly damaging over time, as it continues.
Here are the real messages of staying connected and not “cheated” on
- Don’t take your partner for granted
- Pay more attention to your lover than you do your Facebook friends
- When given the opportunity (and it happens many times a day) reach out and give your partner a love tap
Here’s the closing line of the article,
Appreciate her, and show her how much she means to you. But, most importantly, put your phone down, and dial into what’s in front of you.
Nice. Pretty bland, but yes, that’s the spirit of the article. It’s not about cheating in the biblical sense, it’s about cheating them out of the full, authentic, and attentive you. In this idea, I agree. The naivete of the writer can be excused for their lack of experience.
As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling relationships. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your dating/relationship challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my post-divorce dating journey. Most of all, I can offer hope.
Get the complete single dad story with John’s new book: Single Dad Seeks (available in all formats)
The Dating a Divorced Dad series continues:
- What the Single Dad Wants – 9 Months Later (an update)
- The Three Essential Elements of Love
- In Relationship with a Divorced Dad: Ground Rules
SingleDad In Love, Again
- Dating a Divorced Dad – Version 2.0 Updated