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Modern Courtship Online and Offline: What Do We All Want?

We all want someone we can lean on.

Covid and the New Dating Model

Many of us are beginning to understand how vital human companionship is to us as individuals. I’m someone who thrives while in a relationship. I’ve got the energy, education, and motivation to put a lot of effort into relationship building. And when I connect and attach to a partner, I’m prepared to go all in. I’ll shut down my dating profiles the minute I get an inkling that I have a match nearby. I only kiss one person at a time. And along with being a hopeful romantic, I’m also a committed monogamist. I want one woman. Yes, I want it all with that woman, but I am also 100% willing to commit to making it work.

Dating Can Be Streamlined

I’m not looking to date, or play the field. I also, think my requirements and requests are will within reach. In the 11 years since my divorce, I’ve come close to a life partner twice. But circumstance, dysfunction, and availability derailed both of my near misses. It’s easy to move along when the long-term prospect is no longer on the table.

I really don’t want to waste my time “dating” and galavanting around. I want to find HER. I want to adore and ravish her. And I want to be loved and support in return. We both need maturity and emotional intelligence, which means, owning and taking responsibility for our actions and putting in the time to work on ourselves and the relationship.

If a relationship is not growing and evolving it quickly grows stagnant. A relationship cannot work if one partner is doing the heavy lifting and the other partner is merely along for the ride. If both partners are willing and able to work on their own part in the dance, the emotional alignment, and deep intimacy are going to flourish. A couple is only as good as its weakest link.

Can You Say What You Want?

I like to believe I’m willing to talk about anything in my relationship. But the reality is, it’s harder said than done. While I have done a lot of relationships work on myself and with others, I am still “conflict-avoidant” and I will try my hardest not to bring up issues. I will keep my mouth shut to avoid a fight. And I will not ask for what I want if I think it will upset my partner. These tendencies don’t work very well in adult relationships.

  • Say what you need.
  • See if there’s a match.
  • Negotiate the differences.
  • Find the touchpoints that make the relationship worth fighting for.
  • Fight fare and without drama for what you want.
  • If your needs cannot be met, or you begin to have more frustration than warm fuzzies, it’s time to move along.

We don’t want to be alone, but it’s better than spending a lot of time on a partnership that is one-sided. A relationship requires both partners to be equally committed to the journey. Discovering ways to meet your partner’s needs is one of the great skills of relationship building.

“One wing is never going to fly, my dear, neither yours nor mine, my dear.” – Wilco

How I Can Help

I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in 1 x 1 zoom or facetime calls. I work in monthly blocks (4 sessions). We establish a relationship. I become your wingman in navigating and sorting through the bullshit of dating and relationships. If you are here, you’ve probably already read some of my opinions. If we’re a fit, we will both know on our first call. For SEPT-OCT I’m offering a 1 HR introductory call rather than my usual 30-minutes.

I am also launching two coaching groups about dating and relationships in the coming weeks. One for women and one for women, facilitated with a dear friend and wellness/aging coach. Both groups will be limited to 8 participants. So join the FB groups and watch for the opening announcements. THANK YOU.

Namasté,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
Facebook  | Instagram | Pinterest |  @wholeparent

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