It was her boundary that was being pushed and her trust that was being broken when I tried to explain why I had "forgotten" to pick up the lawnmower on the way home.
Self-care takes many forms. What we know, is most of us do not take enough time off. We drink coffee to fuel our days and interrupt our nights. Self-care is the process of unwinding ourselves from the rat race and giving our bodies and our souls time to recharge, play, and be quiet.
- ME Cycles and Wondermints: Why Is Self-Care So Difficult?
- Finding Your Inner Goddess: Celebrating Self-Care & Sexuality
- Resilience, Self-Care, the Mindset of Joy in This Moment
- The Power of Saying No: Making Self-Care a Priority Now
- Self-Care and Appreciation: Can I Love All of Myself Right Now?
- More Self-Care, Less Rush Rush Stress and Anxiety
- Self-Care and Fitness: How You Treat Yourself Says More than You Think
So we don't really have a word for what we "are." I don't like dating, so I'm not dating her. She doesn't like the idea of a long-term relationship so we're not doing that either. Do we need an easy handle on what we are forming between us? No. Is it more convenient if you are able to say, my boyfriend and my girlfriend? Maybe a tad better than my lover, or my life-mate. But please, we're splitting hairs. Do we like to be together? Yes. Are there things we like to do together besides fool around in bed? Yes. Then do that. Do all of that.
I'm a bit closer to my ex-wife now, having seen a glimpse into her life. I know we're both doing the best we can. And Boyhood celebrates that triumph both alone and together.
In my marriage, perhaps we hid too much of the anger. My kids don't have many healthy examples of anger negotiation. And thus, even as young middle-schoolers, their response to anger is often to shut down completely, and even cry, depending on the severity of the anger.
We all learn about anger at a very young age. Before we can understand the language we are being given verbal and physical clues about what is a right thing to do and what is a wrong thing to do. For most of us lucky ones, this guidance is done without the injection of anger or physical abuse.
When you think about the person you might like to be spending your Saturday afternoon and Saturday night with, where do you imagine you might be on any given Saturday afternoon? And then it's your opportunity/responsibility to get yourself there. She/he might already be there.
For anyone with a family, reestablishing a home is a critical part of the rebuilding process. So I was proud and hopeful when I moved us all into the little home near the lake. And that first summer we swam and played and compromised on the roommate situation for the kids, with my daughter setting up shop in my bedroom most of the time she was staying with dad.
I believe in order to find our lover we need a fairly clear picture of what they might be. Way beyond looks, the construction or destruction happens over the course of the initial weeks of "dating." What forms beyond the initial chemistry is what will remain beyond the heat of the sexual newness.