Self-care takes many forms. What we know, is most of us do not take enough time off. We drink coffee to fuel our days and interrupt our nights. Self-care is the process of unwinding ourselves from the rat race and giving our bodies and our souls time to recharge, play, and be quiet.
We could've separated and agreed to a 50/50 parenting and 50/50 custody schedule as I requested. That was more in keeping with the way we parented. But it did not match up with my then-wife's objectives. Those "options" she learned about from the attorney, rather than the options about staying in the relationship she could've learned in the couple's therapy.
Dear single mom, I am not the enemy. I am also not in pursuit of you when I smile or ask you how your day is going. I understand divorce is a bitch. Single parenting is a bitch. And we move on.
When you begin building a relationship, part of what you are envisioning is how the two of you will progress into a full-blown, loving, couple. All the dreams of what life will be like with this person are there for your enjoyment.
I want to be worth it for her, as well. As I was talking to a friend last weekend about this woman he said, "You're the catch."
I am leaving my feelings alone by choice. I am seeing them as separate from who I am. My feelings are just a part of me. There are many other parts. When I am healthy, I can see the other parts of my life and focus my attention on something other than the feelings.
At some point along the way, I fell behind on my child support payments. I tried to be clear and honest about the situation. I asked for a bit of leeway in how I would repay her. And for whatever reason (I don't think it's healthy or helpful to say what another person is thinking) she felt it was in the best interest of the kids to file our decree with the Attorney General's office.
So the passive-aggressive way to ask me to join her for a drink would've been to ask if I wanted a drink. But typically I say no to that question because a "drink" is rarely what I'm thinking of.
There have been several times in my life when alcohol played a role in my own avoidance.