Divorce, once mentioned, is a slippery and difficult journey. As you pull apart the lives you’ve built together, there will be anger, resentment, frustration, and even joy, and ecstasy. But the divorce is hard on everyone. Listen for who needs support and then give your love and attention. Always.
POSITIVE DIVORCE (is a concept, an alignment, an intention I use as I go through life as a single dad.)
Divorce is one of the most disorienting events in my life. Everything was lost. I have made a point of trying to turn the bad points into positive information. I am here support you as best I can to lessen the impact on your children. Divorce is the beginning of a new journey. You can make it better for everyone by paying attention to what matters. Your anger at your ex needs to be handled on your own.
My ex-wife screwed me in the divorce and she and the therapist that setup our 70/30 parenting plan knew it. They were not basing their plans on science, but on "what's best for the kids" mythology that has been perpetuated since my parents got a divorce 49 years ago.
Nobody wins in a divorce, but we can keep either side from losing if we stay present and positive in the coming months of negotiation and planning.
Why would someone attempt to mess with the relationship between her kids and their father? Still? 13 years later?
As we become clearer in our boundaries, in what is good for us and what is not good for us, we can make choices more easily. When something doesn't feel good, we're able to say, "NO. This will not work for me."
If two parents want to co-parent as friends, want to share expenses as co-parents, and want what's best for their kids, WE HAVE GOT TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM.
Today, I'm placing my heart with a woman who believes in me, believes in lifetime commitments, and believes in love as a guiding principle.
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
There's no good way to share that the holidays are a tough time for me. I will be looking after my own health and happiness much of this season, to assure that no meltdown occurs in my life. But I will also leave some of my bandwidth open for my kids.