Divorce Lessons: 8 Critical Choices In Making a Positive Split
Nobody wins in a divorce, but we can keep either side from losing if we stay present and positive in the coming months of negotiation and planning.
Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
Nobody wins in a divorce, but we can keep either side from losing if we stay present and positive in the coming months of negotiation and planning.
When you lose your kids to divorce and then to teenagehood, you really have to begin letting them go. It's only two years before my son will be heading out on his big adventure. What can I do with him in the next two years? How can I show up for both of them?
Growing together is hard. There will be bumps in the road. Even your perfect partner may appear less evolved and you might be tempted to return to the swiping apps. Don't.
Find what you like and what she doesn't like. Find new things you can both explore together. And find how your needs, desires, and futures align.
As we become clearer in our boundaries, in what is good for us and what is not good for us, we can make choices more easily. When something doesn't feel good, we're able to say, "NO. This will not work for me."
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
So what are the alternatives to online dating? If I'm not going to browse and click my way into a new relationship, what's it going to take?
Write your profile honestly. State what you want. State what you're bringing to the party. Then edit, ask, talk, phone, and get to know them before you go for that intoxicating "first date." And, in my opinion, avoid meeting for alcoholic drinks.