Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
The general mode of life with dad is positive and happy. I am *so* happy to have them on the days and nights I am afforded, that there is little room for complaints or nagging.
Sure, In online dating we all want to put our best foot forward, and make younger and prettier partners desire us, but if we're all doing that, if we're all being inauthentic... Well, that's part of the problem.
But I am also a learning individual. I can adapt and make changes in my plans and trajectories. So while I was thinking I had lost orbit and was shooting away for some new destination. I may have been only slowing to the gravitational pull of this amazing lady, and learning what her fears and passions were as well.
It's going to get easier. You are going to be okay. Your kids are going to be okay. And, at some point in the future, you're going to look back on this event (the divorce) as one of the defining moments in your life. Act well. Learn to lean into the process of becoming a single parent.
As long as we are getting closer, and we are learning from our relationship mistakes, we can pick ourselves up after a breakup, knowing that we gave 100%. And, more importantly, we are closer and better equipped for the next potential partner that agrees to join us in "the arena."
If you don't know what you're looking for it's going to be harder to find. AND, if you don't know what magic you bring to the experience, it's also going to be harder to dial in a real fit. Finally, pictures. You don't need glamour shots.
I can forgive and still love each of these women in their various states of disrepair. I can walk away knowing I brought my best game into their lives. I can walk away with my heart still on my sleeve, because that's how I go through life. And I can refind my hopefulness.
As I was heading to visit a friend's house, who had offered to let me crash for a while, I found the red comfy chair set out by the road for bulk pickup.