I love texting. I’m a poet of texts. And if you’re a mere mortal, using your thumbs to type, I’m likely to blow up your phone from time to time. But I’m not doing it on purpose. You see, with a Mac I have this cool option to link my phone texts to the iMessage app on my computer. And then I have a full keyboard and my typist skills and poetic bent to light up your phone. I’m sorry, I know I do this. I’m working to get better.

There is ZERO physical touch in texting unless you consider rubbing glass a form of touch. And there is very little potential for nuance. Most sarcasm is misunderstood. Even love notes can be misconstrued easily as hookup offers. And ladies, for the most part, don’t get off on hookup offers. Even established relationships are usually anti-hookup.

And if you ever get in a disagreement. Any kind of disagreement, DO NOT TEXT about it. There is a 0% probability that things will go well. I have never solved a relationship issue over text. Never. And, as I told you, I’m the master of the text.

So what’s the deal with texting anyway?

I have been dating a woman who says, “Just call me,” from time to time when I’m getting particularly clever or long-winded on a text. And she’s made an impression on me. She’s funny. She has great texting skills. And she is also fun to talk to on the phone.

See, for me, most people are NOT fun to talk to on the phone. In my business life, the phone is like the deal killer. If we can do business by email, text, and documents, we can save everybody a lot of time and needless meetings.

But a relationship is not like a business negotiation in one fundamental way. We are looking to connect, physically. And the physical potency of texting is null and void.

Sure there are uses for texts in a relationship. Here are a few of my most potent missives.

“Good morning sunshine.”

“Have sweet dreams.”

“I’m going to be 10 minutes early.”

And there are some flirty options that can be received well. But be careful with the flirty text. Again, it is way to easy for it to be misconstrued.

“You are only interested in sex.”

“Um, no, I was trying to be titillating.”

Fail.

If you want to move your relationship along, stop texting so much. If your partner likes talking on the phone, call them. A phone call is a fairly intimate communication technique, especially compared to dead texting. You can hear the tone in someone’s voice when they respond to your, “What are you doing later tonight?” With a text you have no idea how your message was received.

Get off the phone to really move things forward. Go see them in person. It’s the most intimate form of connection. And when in doubt don’t text. Ever.

You are welcome.

Namasté,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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How I Can Help

I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in 1 x 1 zoom or facetime calls. I work in monthly blocks (4 sessions). We establish a relationship. I become your wingman in navigating and sorting through the bullshit of dating and relationships. If you are here, you’ve probably already read some of my opinions. If we’re a fit, we will both know on our first call.

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related posts:

• What Men Think About Sex vs. What A Woman Thinks They Think About
• A Sprinter In Love, and How I Am Learning to Pace Myself
• Peaceful Easy Dating: Looking for a Joyful Woman
• Nothing Is As Exciting as New Love, Right?

Further Reading:

• Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
• Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
• A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children
• The Sex Index: Getting Our Love Languages Right in the Bedroom
• Here Comes the Darkness: Surviving and Thriving After a Mental Illness Diagnosis
• The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes an Issue
• The Storm Before the Divorce: When One Parent Wants Out, That’s the End

image: venessa, joe goldberg, creative commons usage