I’m Proud of You: The Dance of Fathers and Their Sons
I'm excited to live through those times WITH my kids. And I will be 100% positive and 100% present for all of them, as long as I live.
Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
I'm excited to live through those times WITH my kids. And I will be 100% positive and 100% present for all of them, as long as I live.
As I walked away from my house and into my single dad life, I took up the responsibility for my own happiness in a new way. Even with the grief and growth that was necessary to recover from the divorce, I knew that at some point I would be happy again.
I have no way of knowing what would've happened had she not asked for a divorce. I was certainly not happy with our relationship, but I was committed and confident that we would find our stride again. I was certain that the financial issues and struggles, for both of us, around work and money and shared efforts could be worked out. Nothing was as important as my marriage. Nothing.
If either of you decides not to do the work of keeping the love alive, then you're in for some tough times. And when negotiations and discussions break down, sometimes over sex, the fractures may end up becoming breaks. The loss of the love may end up signaling the loss of your marriage.
If you want to move your relationship along, stop texting so much. If your partner likes talking on the phone, call them. A phone call is a fairly intimate communication technique, especially compared to dead texting.
We were both hungry for more time, more head pats. And that's a feeling I still ache with as I watch my children sleeping. Even when they are with me, the knowledge and feeling of the coming loss, just a day or so away, is painful.
Sex is a complex dance. We've got to have better communication about it. I'm no fine example. It can be difficult just to say, "Um, can you try this."
I want you to be happy. I want to feel the electrical current connect between us when we are together. I'd love to feel the flush of desire when we make arrangements to take off our clothes together.