Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
What ended up happening when I pushed on the broken parts of the relationship is she began to exit emotionally and avoid any opportunities to be alone, where we might have time to discuss what was going on. She took to falling asleep in the kid's beds rather than returning to me.
If you find yourself thinking or saying, I'd be happy if you'd just... You need to get over the request and focus on yourself. If NOTHING CHANGES, would you be able to stay in this relationship? If the answer is no, you've got work todo.
I do believe this is a spiritual journey we are all on. And I am here to join your tribe and help you reconnect with your authentic happiness and hopefulness.
I am making plans to say no more often. I will listen to my heart more often, I will pause before making difficult decisions, I will pause and check in with my body frequently throughout the day.
As a couple moves towards kid introductions and connecting their families together, there's going to be a lot of alignment that needs to happen. For me, this process is all about creating and cherishing the WE of the relationship.
We bend when the winds swirl around us. We agree to be together and to weather the storm. Covid, in some ways, gave me cover for my silence. Many of us "sensitive" people were struck mute by the ravages and fear of the virus as it closed windows, doors, and opportunities.
When you find a together partner, a "together no matter what" partner, a "together here at the end of the world as we know it" partner... Well, that's when you know you've found your home.
Get creative, because it's going to take a lot more time to get close enough to look directly into her eyes from a safe distance. Good luck out there, and stay safe.