Parenting is the biggest adventure you can set in motion. By becoming parents you are agreeing to give a priority to your children, over yourself. The sacrifice of becoming a parent is about making a better life for our kids.
As parents, our relationship may not work out. In divorce, we’ve got an opportunity to remain connected as a cooperative co-parent. Our role as divorced parents is to support our kids with less concern for ourselves or our disappointment in our ex-partner. It is important to leave your anger and frustration behind, and pay attention to your kids and their needs.
Pay attention to your mind. When the monkey mind jumps into gear, try and find a moment to observe your thinking, as if you are an observer. Then decide: do I want to continue this runaway train of thought, or should I focus on something that I can actually have an effect on?
The first time when we were making love during this period, that I noticed things were off, I caught her looking out the window, seemingly bored. "Are you okay?" I asked.
She still cannot see how planting discontent on my kids towards me is hurting them more than it's hurting us. She is actively damaging her own relationship with her kids over MONEY.
Today, nearly a year later, I am still a deadbeat dad on the record. Despite several calls to the AG's office and several agreements to resolve and close the child support account, I am still in arrears by $1.39.
It's been the most intense and transformative month of my young 55-year-old life. I felt at times like my skin was being burnt away by the velocity of the change underway. The pace of change, conflict, resolution, conflict, opportunity, and so on, was exhausting. I stopped drinking coffee because I didn't need any stimulants. I adjusted my psyche meds to reduce activation.
I genuinely believe that family laws are corrupt and need to be reset to start at 50/50 parenting with no child support. I love helping moms understand single dads and how to relate to them.
Process the stuff that hurts. And, for me, stop eating to heal those hurts. Just get them out in other ways. Writing about them can help, indeed.
My role now is very similar to my non-custodial dad role. I don't have a lot of time or opportunities to engage with my kids. I have to reach out. Keep reaching out. And let go of any outcome.