I wanted my marriage to continue, but it did not. And that failure has given way to such joy and happiness that it's hard not to thank my ex-wife for giving me this new opportunity for a joyous life.
My anger is my own. My kids are a shared resource and responsibility. My ex is a wonderful human being who is doing her best in the world.
The rest is negotiation, navigation, and nurture. We've both got work ahead of us. We are always in a state of becoming. But today, I have my lifetime cheerleader beside me. And I'm always ready joyfully embrace her in all of her flaws and misdirections. We've all got them.
If you put your kids first you may need to fight to get what you want. And by putting your kids first, sometimes you may have to fight their mom. But to be the best dad you can be, you have to be there, you have to spend time with your kids. All of that time that was taken away is now water under the bridge, but today it's much more clear for me. I take every offer to have the kids an extra night or to support my ex when she has to work late.
Keep the love of your children in your heart and mind and forgive even the egregious actions of your ex-partner. The most important conversation you can have in your relationship…
I will be in the process of recalibrating my life in relationship to my ex-wife probably for the rest of my life. Even after the kids are off and doing their own lives, there are always collective contributions that need to be made, adult advice that needs to be given, and we will never fully separate from the relationship.
When the other partner decides to ask for divorce there is very little the committed partner can do. The fracture has happened. The other person has declared they are considering divorce. Then that option is forever on the table and could be used as leverage.
I did not want an incremental win. I needed a massive win, so what was required of me, as the captain, was massive action. I had been on this oxygen-starved…