Divorce is a cruel storm. If we could see our ex-partners as humans rather than combatants, we could begin to heal the pain. We’re in this together, no matter how it turns out. Humans of Divorce are people who are doing their best in spite of the negative actions of their co-parent.
Some of my depression is sadness at the massive amounts of my kid's lives I'm missing. That's real and that's going to make me sad. I don't have to dwell on it, but when it comes up I feel it, acknowledge it and thank my heart for feeling so strongly.
Welcome to the new adventure called divorce. Today we're going to go over some of the basics, so you know what to expect.
I agreed to be a part-time dad. I learned to focus on my own life and rebuilding my hobbies and passions outside of being a parent or a husband. It has been a difficult journey. I celebrate my kids when I can and as best I can, but a huge portion of their lives was given away when I agreed to less than 50/50 parenting.
I wonder, someday, will they ask how the divorce happened? Will my adult kids want to know who's idea it was to break up our family? These are conversations I could never have with them unless they asked.
Today, three years later, I am happy. Alone. But happy. And I won't pass judgment on her and the boyfriend who has given her strength and steadiness. My daughter likes him. That's enough for me.
We could've separated and agreed to a 50/50 parenting and 50/50 custody schedule as I requested. That was more in keeping with the way we parented. But it did not match up with my then-wife's objectives. Those "options" she learned about from the attorney, rather than the options about staying in the relationship she could've learned in the couple's therapy.
At some point along the way, I fell behind on my child support payments. I tried to be clear and honest about the situation. I asked for a bit of leeway in how I would repay her. And for whatever reason (I don't think it's healthy or helpful to say what another person is thinking) she felt it was in the best interest of the kids to file our decree with the Attorney General's office.
Co-parenting is about accepting the other person for who they are, exactly as they are, and holding them in the best light you can.