I believe the quest for love is a spiritual journey. Either your deliberate and intentional about it, or you are just screwing around.
In the nine and a half years since the divorce, I have seen my daughter approximately 8 days to every 22 days that my ex-wife gets to see her. This arrangement seems to support the idea that the mom is the primary caregiver in the family, or that moms deserve the majority of the children's time.
Parenting is a spiritual journey that you enter when your kids are born. The relationships you have as parents may change over time, but your parenting is a huge part of what gives your life meaning. To me, my kids are everything. And to my partner, my love of their kids and their love of my kids, is unfathomable and wonderful when it happens.
It is only through constant micro-corrections that we can stay engaged, in love, and connected in your primary intimate relationship. We don't ever get a day off from being compassionate and thoughtful. And when you are well-attached to your lover it becomes easier to make choices that move towards their heart rather than away from their heart.
I believe we cannot heal from our divorce/relationship trauma without getting back into the ring and giving it another go. Only IN RELATIONSHIP can we learn how to be healthy in a relationship.
We've got to learn other ways to celebrate our victories and process our hurts. And by showing up in our own lives in a big way, we demonstrate for our kids how to recover from difficult situations and thrive in spite of the setbacks.
Our children have probably learned more about relationships (good and bad) from television and porn. It's part of why all of us are so confused about what makes for a healthy relationship.
As single parents, I believe, that my kids and my connection to them are more important (just for this short period of time) than my happiness or my new relationship.