Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.

For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”

I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.

We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.

Online Dating Update: Breathe It All In, Love It All Out

breathe it all in, love it all out

When you are involved in something vigorous, your attention and judgment are often heightened. You are more likely to get a true read on a partner while you are playing tennis, for example.

Continue ReadingOnline Dating Update: Breathe It All In, Love It All Out

The Soft Return: How *Repair* Works in Relationships

holding boundaries with your partner

If I believe in a higher plan, if I want to navigate with star maps and not treasure maps, then I can be IN LOVE and AT PEACE even in this painful pause. The pain has a lesson for me. I may learn something new every morning and every evening. I am learning.

Continue ReadingThe Soft Return: How *Repair* Works in Relationships

Dating Lessons: Gentle Catch and Release

Read more about the article Dating Lessons: Gentle Catch and Release

I understand not being ready for a relationship. I understand taking your time getting to know someone. And I'm glad she did seek me out so we could have a few of these illuminating conversations in-person, but it's clear to me she was NOT a touch-oriented person, and as I asked about her love language twice, that was enough to trigger the "not developing" email.

Continue ReadingDating Lessons: Gentle Catch and Release

Patience, Mindfulness, and the Slow Road to a Healthy Relationship

Read more about the article Patience, Mindfulness, and the Slow Road to a Healthy Relationship

My movie is undergoing a serious rewrite at the moment. Scenes are being deleted, edited, and new actors are being sought out for both lead and supporting roles. Today, on this amazingly beautiful day (from snow last night to tennis in shorts this afternoon) I'm going to loaf for a bit.

Continue ReadingPatience, Mindfulness, and the Slow Road to a Healthy Relationship

The 5 Stages of Dating Again After Divorce: Letting Go of Expectations

Read more about the article The 5 Stages of Dating Again After Divorce: Letting Go of Expectations

I'm not all that good at dating yet. I mean, I don't really know how to BE. I try to be "myself" of course, but I'm too involved, too hyper, too talkative. I don't listen as well as I should. But the part of the problem, that I'm just beginning to understand, is my habit of projecting any "potential" relationship off into some imaginary future. What I mean is, I sometimes have a problem staying present.

Continue ReadingThe 5 Stages of Dating Again After Divorce: Letting Go of Expectations