Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
As sex leads the way to love, the pathways in your brain really begin to get hyperactive. You start thinking about long-range plans together. You start imagining yourself with this person, living together, getting married, having kids. Love is the drug that has launched a million relationships.
But I came upon a different perspective with my latest loss of a 2.5 year relationship. I don't want to date at all. I want to have some women friends and see if anything develops from our friendship. Like everyone goes into the friend zone until I'm 6 months sober from my last intoxicating adventure. I'm not ready to date or be in a relationship even though it's what I long for. I like being a couple. I like mundane joys alongside someone I love.
I just choose to stay conscious. I hope that I am facing my issues head-on rather than trying to escape from them or block them out. I have issues. But I'd rather face them sober.
We are complex individuals with independent lives, building bridges and rope swings between our two countries, but we're reconnecting and recommitting in each moment, each day. We seek new ways around common disagreements, new ways to navigate old ghosts that can haunt us from previous relationships.
So, if you're single, go ahead and put your best foot forward and get out there. Getting to a relationship may take months, so you might as well start exploring the field. And if you see the 10% as potentials then you begin to get hopeful that there "might" be someone out there for you.
It's all a crap shoot. Photos lie. Profiles tell half-truths. And some of us are interested in actually establishing a relationship
If we can build our alignment of priorities around our kids' health and happiness, then we can both relax when we are able to find time alone as a couple.
Sex with someone, anyone, is not very much more fulfilling than porn and my own left hand. So I don't look for this type of sexual gratification as an initial part of my dating process. And I'm pretty clear on my dating profiles that I'm not looking to hook up or jump in the sack.