Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
Sex with someone, anyone, is not very much more fulfilling than porn and my own left hand. So I don't look for this type of sexual gratification as an initial part of my dating process. And I'm pretty clear on my dating profiles that I'm not looking to hook up or jump in the sack.
When contemplating a long-term relationship, unaddressed issues will not get fixed on their own. They will fester until one partner breaks either with anger or acting out. And if the issue has been around for more than 6-months you owe it to yourself and your partner to address it head-on.
If you are joyful and you show it people notice. By sharing your joy you are spreading the love between you and others. Gazelles and lions can live in peace as human adults.
I tell friends that I'm getting married and I get that look. Like, "What? Are you kidding?" I'm not kidding. I'm proud of the fact that I've found my next mate. And should I be as tenacious as I was in my second marriage, I think this one might be for keeps.
As you look to build the long term relationship with a spouse, remember your kids are important, and in some ways, they are priority number one, but that will change over time. As you become less of a priority in their lives, as they move on to college and their own lives, you will be left with what's next.
This morning I give thanks for the flexibility and caring my ex-wife shows me and my kids when they ask for some new connection. We've both worked hard to get here. And as we work better together everyone benefits.
And so, I've been girlfriend free since the end of the summer and it's fine. I'd rather not be. But I'd rather be alone that coping with another person's major emotional distress. I don't need drama or high theater.
I'd meet her and kiss her today if she called. But I'm pretty clear now, that she won't. And it would not be the best thing for me either. Heady, but not healthy. Oh love, you fickle bitch.